Happenings

Astros lost the World Series. The White Sox kicked ass the whole way through and were just a great team. The Astros went down fighting. Even though they were swept, they put up a good fight (I mean, 14 innings in game 3? Wow.).

I gave Sofia a bath all by myself tonight. This is huge. Sometimes I'm afraid she's going to slip through my soapy hands like a big fish, but we got through it together and she smells lovely.

I had lunch with a couple of friends from work the other day. It was nice. I felt nice and independent with the baby. It feels good to know that I can actually get her dressed, get the diaper bag ready, change her and feed her, and get myself ready all timed to make it to lunch in time. Multitasking has taken on a new meaning for me lately. Sofia slept the whole time and was a perfect angel.

Robert and I went shopping Saturday and spend a whopping six (yes, six) hours at the mall. I don't even like the mall yet we spent six hours there. I had to buy some new clothes for work because none of my clothes fit me anymore. My pants are all too tight on my hips because I'm still fat, and my shirts all seem tiny. I never thought I would have breasts too big for a shirt, but it's actually happened. Almost every shirt I tried on popped open at the chest button, but I managed to find some stuff. I bought pants too and shoes. Thank goodness I can get away with wearing jeans at work because I bought two pairs of those too. I never realized how much flab I would have after having a baby. It's really sad. Hmmm, I bought some new nursing bras too, and nursed Sofia in one of the dressing rooms at the maternity store. It was nice. A family event really, since Robert hung out with me and helped change her diaper. It wasn't nice that she pooped right after she nursed and we had to changer her again, but it was funny.

We chose a daycare for our baby! Of course, no daycare can be perfect, simply because I don't want to leave Sofia with anyone, but I at least feel comfortable with the one we chose. Our plan is to leave Sofia a couple of hours out of the day there a few days before we leave her for a full day. I hope my baby does okay.

And finally, I have been psyching myself out this past week for work. I can't believe I will be returning to work this week. I picked a midweek return on purpose. Hell, I'm going back on a Thursday. I can't handle a five-day work week right away. Robert will be taking a few days off when I start back to stay with Sofia so we can hold off on putting her in for her first full day of daycare until she is eleven weeks. I wish we could wait until she's even older than that, but we just can't. I keep telling myself everything will be alright. We've stopped by the daycare what seems like a million times. We're going back tomorrow to quiz the morning caregiver -- I mean, to drop off diapers and wipes for Sofia. I've also been pumping more to increase my frozen milk supply, and to get the hang of my pump again.

Here I go again, entering a new phase of motherhood...

From a car seat

Happy Birthday Sofia

Dear Sofia Wia,
Today you are two months old, and I just wanted to write you a letter to celebrate this momentous day. You have grown so much in these first two months of your life. You are no longer a tiny baby unaware of her surroundings. You are this lively chubby beautiful creature. You love to look at yourself in the mirror and I can't say I blame you. You smile and squeal and make beautiful baby gurgle noises more and more each day. This morning, in fact, you woke up in this extremely good mood and kept smiling and squealing for mommy and daddy. I held you up to look in the mirror while daddy hid behind me and played peek-a-boo with you. Your eyes followed him every time and you were all smiles.

You noticed your carseat toy for the first time today too. You grabbed at the little animals hanging and tried to put them in your mouth. We were so proud of you.

I love nursing you. I was really stressed out about nursing you until I realized you were at the 90th percentile for weight at seven weeks. Whew! After that, I chilled out and just tried my best to relax when you settled in to nurse. You are so beautiful when you're eating and you look up at me. I love it when I slightly tug to see if you're done because when you let go of the breast your lips are still pursed, and you look as though you're in a trance. Sometimes you still have milk dribbling down your face. I apologize for all the times milk sprays you in the face.

You are outgrowing a lot of your 0-3 month onesies. They're pretty tight on you, and daddy says you look like a little sausage in some of them. Your size 1 diapers are pretty tight on you too, and I think it may be time to step it up to a size 2.

You love your pacifier, although it doesn't always work in the evenings when your crying/fussiness is at an all-time high. But you do love it. In fact, sometimes you suck on it so hard that you get what your daddy and I have coined "Ronald McDonald mouth". You've recently discovered that your fingers are good to suck on too, and often have your thumb, index finger, or entire fist in your mouth.

You cry for long periods at night sometimes. Not every night, but some nights. The sound of the running water in the bathroom always calms you. Well, most of the time. We pulled out the big guns (the vacuum cleaner) the other night when nothing seemed to calm you. It worked like a charm. You stopped crying and just looked around you. When you cry, big giant tears roll down your face and you look as though your heart is breaking. You definitely sound like a little girl when you cry and your cries are very dramatic. Your dad and I laugh at how you cry a high pitched cry if you get disconnected from my breast when you're nursing.

You enjoy taking baths and are quiet when we bathe you. Mommy is scared to bathe you by herself so you always are bathed by both mommy and daddy. And when you are done you smell like the fresh, beautiful baby you are. When your head is dirty daddy says you smell like a wild animal, so we try to bathe you a few times a week.

Your eyes are the biggest and most beautiful I've ever seen.

Daddy is lying next to you in our bed. He was singing "Old McDonald" and "This Old Man" for the longest time, and you've finally quieted down and seem to be falling asleep. You enjoy sleeping in bed between us way more than sleeping in your pack and play. You still don't sleep through the night, but I don't really mind as much as I used to. You only eat for small periods of time during the night. More like a snack, I guess. And then you go straight back to sleep.

Since you were born there have been all kinds of happenings in the world. Here are a few: This hurricane season has been the most active on record. Hurricane Katrina struck and devastated the gulf coast just a few days after you were born. Hurricane Rita also hit the gulf coast, but not where we live like it was predicted to. We evacuated like we were told to and took you with us to San Antonio to stay with Grandma and Grandpa. You did fine on our 17-hour drive. Supreme Court justice William Rehnquist died and was replaced by John Roberts. I'm sorry to say Bush is still president. And the Houston Astros made it to the World Series for the first time in history (although they're down 0-2 in the series so far).

That about does it, my love. Sofia, you are the most beautiful thing in this entire world. You are my world, and your daddy and I love you more than you'll ever know.

Love,
Mom

A Moment to Write

We went to San Antonio for a baby shower and my dad's birthday this weekend. I also wanted to show off my beautiful child. She was quite the hit at the baby shower. Everyone wanted to hold her, which allowed me to drink some beer and relax. We had lots of fun, but now I'm exhausted, and I should probably be in bed because I put Sofia to sleep about an hour ago. Robert's not home yet either and I know I'll wake up when he gets home, but I burned all this time unpacking our stuff (it's amazing how much more we pack with a baby) and watching Game 2 of the World Series (Astros lost again - Sucks!) this is the only time I have to write.

Sofia enjoyed spending time with her grandparents. She already smiles more for the men in her life than for the women. She smiles a lot for her daddy and her grandpa. Her other grandpa is coming to visit next weekend, so we'll see if she's all smiles.

She's asleep and making those cute little baby sighs.

I was reading Beth's blog a little earlier and the last paragraph of her letter to her daughter struck me. I wonder if all new moms feel this way. I know I did, and it's never something moms want to admit either. I think this is why I felt so crazy at first and stressed out (well, that and my hormones). I felt like something was wrong with me. I didn't feel that amazing intense feeling right away, but it's amazing how much your love grows and grows with each minute you spend with your baby. I love my Sofia more than anything in my life and I don't think I could live without her.

Tired Mommy and Clean Baby

After Sofia's bath the other night...

Go Astros!

It is so awesome that the Astros won the NLCS pennant! I hope they win their first ever World Series.

My time is running out

I was right. Robert got home from work and Sofia Wia woke up and cried and cried. Sometimes I take her into the bathroom and the sound of the running water from the faucet calms her down. That's what we did last night. Well, that and feed and change her. She is asleep now and I have managed to eat some cereal, brush my teeth and put my contacts in. I'd say I'm ahead of the game. I was checking my email earlier when I heard her stirring and I had an uncontrollable urge to jump back in bed and kiss and kiss her and hug her. Which is exactly what I did.

It seems all these bloggers are quitting their jobs to stay home with their little ones. I'm jealous. Does going back to work make me a bad mom? I would love to be able to stay home with Sofia at least for several more months, but our financial situation just doesn't allow it. And it's not like we live lavishly and require my paycheck to keep up some crazy expensive lifestyle. I mean, we need my paycheck to pay regular ol' bills like rent and student loans. Which sucks. I have a bigger salary than Robert, so I keep telling him (only half in jest) to quit his job and take care of Sofia. I don't want to leave her in daycare. She is so tiny. Will the daycare caregivers rock and sing to my baby? Will they pick her up when she cries? If my parents lived in Houston, I'd ask them to watch her a few days a week, but they're a couple hundred miles away. I'm not ready to leave my baby, and my leave is quickly disappearing.

Speaking of daycare, Robert and I visited one on Friday (our second visit)to pick up a registration packet and take another look around. We are trying to narrow down our choices. I was completely turned off when I saw one of the caregivers in the infant room feeding a nine-week-old infant propped up on a boppy. She wasn't even holding the baby. It made me sad. I don't want to have to leave Sofia with people who won't even hold her when they feed her. Needless to say, we won't be leaving Sofia at that particular daycare (for other reasons too), but wherever we leave her, no one can love her like I do.

In other news Sofia had a checkup at 7 weeks. She got four shots for her immunizations. Two in each chubby leg. Poor baby screamed her head off. She weighed in at 12 lbs 1 oz. I can't believe how fast she is growing!

We had visitors this weekend. Roberts's sister flew in with our niece from Maryland, and his mom drove in from San Antonio to see everyone. Our niece is about ten months old and very adorable. Adorable, but bratty. She kept taking Sofia's pacifier right out of her mouth and chewing on it! And no one took it away or told her "no". In fact her mom laughed and seemed to think all ten times she did it were cute. It was funny the first time she did it, but jeez. Anyway, we had a good visit and it was nice seeing the cousins together. We ate Mexican food all weekend because Robert's sister claims there is no good Mexican food in the DC area. Good times.

Okay, okay

I'm alive. I just feel like there isn't enough time in a day to blog. There is hardly enough time to eat a meal here and there or throw clothes in the washer while juggling a baby. I can't believe how much time is eaten up just by entertaining an almost eight-week-old baby. There are days when I feel I can get more done because she'll take longer naps, then there are days where she fusses all day long and I spend nearly all day singing and rocking and walking around with her. When she finally falls asleep, I put her down in her crib only to have to start the process all over again because she wakes up very upset at my nerve of expecting her to nap in her crib. I guess I should know better. She enjoys napping in my arms much much more than in her crib. Today she seemed to fuss all afternoon, then she slept for about an hour and chilled out during the Astros game, which is really all that mattered.

I'm upset that the Astros failed to put the NLCS series to bed tonight. Oh well, hopefully they can still make it to the World Series.

Sofia is asleep now in her pack and play. She is getting better about going to sleep at a reasonable hour instead of staying up until 2 or 3 am. Lately she's been going to sleep around 11 or 11:30 pm, then waking up between 3 and 4 am, then again around 6 or 7 am. At every waking she gets a feeding and a diaper change. Robert's on his way home from work, and I probably won't be able to get much more written than this...

My girl

I felt it my duty to report that at seven weeks, Sofia weighs 12 pounds one ounce! All the ladies at the pediatrician's office oohed and aahhed over her yesterday. Her doctor couldn't believe how much weight she gained! I guess I can stop worrying about whether she's eating enough.

Better

Okay, I guess I've stopped moping around (for the most part). We got a lot of cleaning done on the house this weekend, so I'm happy about that. Robert took the hurricane things off most of the windows so there is actual natural light coming into the house.

I went to that La Leche League meeting Friday, and it was nice. Nothing earth shattering, but okay. One of the leaders tried to help me with my latch a bit, but I'm not sure it did much. I think the most valuable piece of information one of the leaders gave me was that breastfeeding gets easier past six weeks. God, I hope so. Some days I think I have it down cold, and some days I'm so frustrated I want to cry. Robert thinks I'm crazy, and doesn't understand my frustration. I think all the fuss I'm making is more about me. Sofia seems to be gaining weight, and even though my nipples aren't bleeding I still feel like I'm not doing it right. Whatever. Sofia's doctor's appointment is this week, so we'll see what the scale and the doctor says.

I ended up leaving Sofia with Robert on the day of my six week check-up. He stayed home to recover and preferred that I leave her with him. It was rough being away from her for just a few hours. I can't imagine how I'll feel when I have to leave her with strangers for the entire day at daycare. My doc said that I'm healing nicely and everything looks good. I lost four more pounds since my last visit. So that leaves me ten more to lose. I have a feeling that I stopped losing and started gaining, but I guess we'll never know because I have no desire to weigh myself between doctor's visits.

So no, I haven't exercised, but I'm trying to replace the cookies with veggies and stuff. My maternity pants are too big for me, but my regular ones don't quite fit either. I have one pair of jeans that fits me that I bought at only a few weeks pregnant (so they're not quite pre-pregnancy jeans), and I have been wearing those babies all the time. I actually painted my toenails for the first time in about a month and half. I know. Gross. But they haven't exactly been a priority for me. Anyway, I guess things are coming along. I'm working on stuff slowly but surely. In between Sofia's crying jags and trying to entertain her, it's tough.

She is absolutely adorable. I can't believe how much she seems to grow everyday. She makes these cute little squealing noises and has started giving real smiles. Although I must say I wish she would smile more. In time. It hurts knowing that I'll have to leave her for work in just a few short weeks. It really hurts.

Moping Around

Today is just a blah day. Sofia has been sleeping nearly all day. She wakes briefly when I change her diaper and feed her, but falls asleep during her feedings. I'm starting to worry. I also feel guilty beause all I could think this morning was for Sofia to please go back to sleep. And she did. Hopefully she's okay, getting enough to eat, and won't keep us up all night. Most days I'm happy when she sleeps, but today I can still hardly get anything done because I'm obssessed with her.

Breastfeeding is still tough. I keep thinking it's going to get easier, and sometimes it feels like it is, but then I hit a rough spot. Sofia latches on pretty well on my right boob, but my left is apparently not up to her standards. She has a hard time latching onto that one. I have been waiting for a La Leche meeting, and there is finally one on Friday in my area, so maybe I can get some help there. Hopefully I won't get my hopes too high and then come away with no valuable advice. Right now I just feel like I'll never feel confident about it. I'm still always scared that she's not getting enough to eat. She is starting to get a little chub on her legs and has filled out some, but I still can't stop worrying.

My house is still a mess although at least I started on my million loads of laundry. I have a big zit between my mouth and nose, which is depressing me. I have not exercised since that one time last month and I continue to eat like shit. I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, and I'm a little terrified about taking Sofia all on my own, but I know it has to be done. Even if Robert stays home from work tomorrow because he's sick, I will not force him to come with me. I guess I will have to take my tank of a stroller with me, which sucks.

I talked to my mom today. She and my dad miss Sofia terribly. I miss them.

Home at Last

We finally got home yesterday. Robert flew into San Antonio Friday and we did, in fact, make our way over to the Austin area to visit a little more family on Saturday, then drove back to our place yesterday (Sunday). It was fun visiting, but I'm glad to be home, even though our house was bathed in perpetual darkness because Robert failed to take off the hurricane metal shutter thingies from the windows. He took some off today, but most of the house is still dark and depressing. Also, because of our mad dash out of here, the place is a big, fat mess. I have tons of laundry to do, and just general cleaning. Robert is sick (but at work anyway) and doesn't feel up to doing anything. Sofia has taken to crying for long periods of time. She did it Satuday night for the first time. She fussed and fussed and cried and cried and I kept trying to give her the boob, which usually quiets her down. It did for about a minute before she started crying again. Eventually her crying gave way to shrieking crying, which really scared me. She had been up for a few hours, and Robert and I were getting worried and frustrated. Finally she burped this loud burp and fell straight to sleep. Poor thing, I guess we're not very good burpers. She's been pretty fussy today too. I hope it's not a new thing for her. It's rough holding and rocking a crying baby in vain.

On Saturday I found myself stuck inside bored out of my mind with Robert's mom and aunt, while he hung outside with his cousins and uncle drinking and having a good time. I couldn't help but think to myself, "is this my destiny? To be stuck indoors with moms and aunts and other girls watching crappy movies like The Wedding Date because I'm a mom?" I couldn't just leave Sofia there and go have a good time, but apparently husbands/dads can do that sort of thing. Perhaps I wouldn't have minded leaving Sofia if it was my mom, but I felt weird asking Robert's mom if she could watch Sofia while I went and drank a beer and talked about interesting things. Finally Robert asked his mom to watch Sofia so I could go drink a beer and hang out a bit. It was nice to relax, but I kept listening for the baby and never fully relaxed. Robert managed to get drunk, which was really annoying. Especially when I needed his help to put Sofia to sleep. Another thing that I find continually annoying is when people try to pass off the baby as soon as she starts crying. And it is absolutely the worst when they tack on, "I think she's hungry" or "Do you think she's hungry?". This makes me feel like ripping their heads off. Like it's my problem she's crying. Fucking people. I get that a lot from Robert, and his mom pulled that crap too.