Lately

Well, I managed to get through my first full week of work. I haven't had much time to do anything though. My days are FULL. I wake up and try to feed Sofia before I rush off to work. She doesn't always want to eat either if she's already eaten around 5 or 6 am. The 7 am feeding I try to force on her doesn't always go over well. She usually stays asleep. Then I rush off to work ( I find myself driving 80 mph every morning thinking, "the earlier I get there, the earlier I can leave..."). Then I rush through my work somehow fitting three pumping sessions in so I can have milk for my baby's next day. At the end of the day I rush over to her daycare (a good 20-minute drive without traffic, so more like 25) to pick her up, try to feed her bit before we begin our other long drive home. Then I feed her properly when we get home, play with her and pay as much attention as I can to her (trying not to allow my attention get sucked in by the television), try to shove a sensible dinner down my throat. I bathe her with Robert's help if he's not working late, then we put her to bed (usually by 10 pm). Then I fix Sofia's bottles for the next day, shower, iron my clothes, and fall into bed to do it all over again the next day. I also try to lay out clothes for her to wear to daycare because you've all seen how Robert dresses her.

I keep hoping I will get used to this routine and it will get easier.

The whole daycare thing has been especially hard on me, as you all know. Everytime I pick her up she's in the swing. I know they aren't giving Sofia the kind of attention I give to her when I'm with her. The kind she deserves. When I picked her up for the first time I cried. The magnitude of it all just hit me: Someone else has my child all week. Oh, sure, I get her at nights and on weekends, but it hardly feels like anything. I know one thing: I will cherish every moment I have with her. At least she gets to be home with her dad on Fridays. And he drops her off every morning. That would be especially hard for me.

On Thursday Robert was driving Sofia to daycare and was almost there when he realized he forgot her bottles at home and had to drive all the way back. He said he'd never make that mistake again. I'm glad he was able to have a few days with Sofia alone and that he's taking care of her every Friday. It makes me love him more knowing that he enjoys the time he has with her. And I love that he now knows he has to wake up before the baby if he wants to shower, brush his teeth, or make coffee before her 11 am nap. I did not enjoy coming home the other day to a poop diaper he forgot to close up and throw in the trash, but he's getting better.

On another note, I had an especially dreadful visit to my ob/gyn on Wednesday. She wanted to do my annual. I waited forever until she finally saw me. When she finally came in I had leaked milk all over the paper gown I had to wear. It wasn't pretty.
Then I didn't have money for the parking garage (I usually park off-street and use the meters, but the whole street was torn up with construction), which cost me 6 bucks for less than two hours! The only good news was that I lost three more pounds! So I have seven pounds to go to get to my weight at my first doc's visit of the pregnancy. I don't really know what my prepregnancy weight was, since it was around the holidays and I wasn't really weighing myself much then. I was busy eating.

I apologize for another mopey post. It's just how I feel all the time. I either feel sad or stressed or both. I swear, most days I feel like my brains are scrambled trying to remember all the things I have to do. I feel like my house will perpetually be a disaster. It seems like I just can't get ahead with the cleaning. It just keeps piling up because I'm too tired to do any of it. This motherhood thing is no joke. Did anyone see that ABC news thing the other day about motherhood making women smarter? That was kind of neat. I'd post a link to it if I could find it. Frankly, I feel like it's made me dumber, but I don't know...

I'm so happy I don't have to work tomorrow and that I can relax with Sofia all night and tomorrow...