Catbird Speaks

Things Lately

2008-11-13T21:18:00.000-08:00

Hello, Internet. Yes, I am still alive. And not doing too bad, actually. Well, at the moment, that is. The days are passing quickly and Catherine is getting giant. She rolled over for the first time about two weeks ago. Or was it three? It was in the month of October, of that I'm sure. And she is so cute, rolling over and over. She is doing great. Although she still occasionally refuses the bottle at school. What can I say? She is in love with the boob. Let's just hope that she doesn't nurse until she is almost three years old like her big sister. Still no teeth to speak of, although she explores the world around her every second of the day, it seems. She is always grabbing at stuff, chewing on something, and smiling and laughing. Oh, my Catherine is a good, sweet baby. It is so easy to love her. She rarely needs a pacifier. She laughs and smiles often. I am so in love.

As for the big sister in the house...Sofia has gotten over lots of the anxiety that came with starting a new school, and for that I am very happy. She continues to have a love/hate relationship with her ballet class on Saturday mornings which I could really do without. Every Saturday we go to my parents' house. Sofia loves it, but if any of her cousins drop in, she hates it. For some reason, she thinks she is the only grandchild deserving of my parents' attention. It is really annoying, and I tell her over and over again that they had nine grandchildren before her, but she doesn't care. She really bonded with them while we were staying with them in the spring and now greedily wants them all to herself. I have to say that I'm happy that she loves them so much. They adore her as well.

I love her school. They are teaching her some good stuff! She has a music class and a tumbling class twice a week. She is learning how to write her letters and her daddy is teaching her how to read. She is actually starting to read three letter words. Very exciting! She is beautiful, and I am so proud of my little stinker Wee. My little stinkerbell.

As for myself, I am working. I'm getting a lot done, and I have deadlines and everything. And the best part is I am working at home. I can get so much done AND go for a walk in the morning, AND get some grocery shopping done, AND pick up the kids before 5 pm, AND actually cook a meal that involves real food. The kind that grows. And we planted a vegetable garden a few weeks back and I can actually water it everyday. It is so weird. I really, really love it. Sure, I miss some of the people I worked with, but I love working at home. I keep expecting my job to tell me that I can't do it anymore, but I sure hope that doesn't happen. Oh, and I got an IPod, and I love it. I am finally listening to some new music.

Oh, and I'm so HAPPY that Obama got elected! I still can hardly believe it's real. I have to admit, I was pulling for Hillary, but I was always an Obama fan and I loved his acceptance speech. It was amazing.

Not everything is perfect. Not everything always is, but we're working through things and enjoying life now. I hope things stay okay for us with the economy being such a mess. I hope everyone else is well.

I miss you, internet! I hope to post pic's of my angels soon.

Changes

2008-08-29T09:48:00.000-07:00

So, here I am at home. The kids are at school and the house is eerily quiet. I don't know if I'll be able to take it if this is what working at home will be like. WEIRD!

I start back at work in mid-September except that I'll be working from home. Not sure what it will be like. Sofia is adjusting well to school. I picked her up early yesterday and she cried because she didn't want to leave. She wanted to eat lunch at school with the other kids. I guess that's a good sign. Catherine is adjusting to taking the bottle while I'm gone. She put up a fight the first couple of days, refusing the bottle, then finally giving in after extreme hunger and sucking the entire bottle down.

I really like the school so far. It is very close, small, and the teachers are great. I'm happy they are there.

I guess I'm entering a new phase with the kids gone and me starting work soon. Yet another adjustment for me. With the move to San Antonio, the new house, Catherine, school, now me working at home, I feel like I'll never just settle into a routine. The last few months have just been very crazy. But on the positive side, I love all the changes we've had so far. I love my Catherine so much. She is absolutely beautiful. She is the best baby I could have ever hoped for, and I adore her with all my soul. I have cherished the last few months with Sofia, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Sofia turned three years old, by the way, this past Sunday and we had a great little party for her at the house. And I love this house we are in, and I hope we grow old in it and the kids grow up and love this house and this neighborhood. I'm so happy to be near family again.

Update

2008-08-20T21:59:00.000-07:00

Both kids are sleeping. Husband went to bed a little while ago, and here I am. I feel like I'll never get back to normal. I feel like I live in one of those "life comes at you fast" commercials. Catherine is two and half months old. She is beautiful and such a great baby. She smiles and coos and really, really loves her mama. Sofia is good with her, but still drives me nuts when she gets way too close and kisses her on the mouth and pries her fingers apart and stuff.

My beautiful Miss Catherine was 12 lbs at her two-month checkup. It's so weird how different the two children are as babies and how different I am as a mom the second time around. I feel like I can appreciate the babyness much more easily this time around. I think I felt a little shell-shocked with Sofia. Going back to work will be tough.

We got both girls into a pre-school. That alone was an absolutely crazy experience. Somehow between the pregnancy, moving, buying a house, having the baby, unpacking, freaking out, etc I forgot to start looking for a daycare/preschool for the kids. Eventually I am going back to work. My start date is mid-September, so last week I hustled and made myself a royal pain the butt for the place I wanted to put my kids. They start next Monday. Well, Sofia starts, but I'm not parting with Catherine just yet. I'll be dropping her off little by little so she can get used to the folks there. Good thing is I will literally be just a few blocks away from the place. And I'll be working from home as long as my job will let me. I'm supporting my Houston job from San Antonio and I don't know how long I can keep that up.

August 21st is my wedding anniversary and we're not even celebrating. We have our parents' meet the teacher night at the preschool. Then this weekend we're having Sofia's birthday party for her birthday Sunday. Then she starts school Monday. I feel like my head has been spinning for months.

All summer has been strange, but good. Sofia, myself, and Catherine. Sofia and I got to spend a lot of time together, and I'm pretty sad having to part with her. She is still very much my baby. Life is tough, but I love my girls more than anything in the world.

Something to blog about

2008-06-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

Our new arrival, Catherine Eve, made her way into the world May 30, 2008 at 6:44 am. She is such a beautiful and good baby! Labor was painful, but the epidural made it bearable. Robert and I rushed over to the hospital around 2 am after a full day of labor pains. Sofia came to visit her new sister the next day.

We are living in San Antonio. Just bought and moved into our new house a week before Catherine got here. Things are crazy and boxes are everywhere, but we're doing what we can. The husband went back to work this morning and I find myself in a mild state of panic trying to figure out how I will care for this newborn baby and keep Sofia entertained, along with doing dishes and laundry and the like. Other people have done it, right?

And still my hormones are raging and I think about how I miss work a little and I'm not sure what I'll do when my maternity leave is over (can't believe that, but it's true). My job is letting me support Houston activities while I work remotely from San Antonio. It wasn't too bad these last couple of months but I suspect it will get harder to do.

I suppose I should end this post before both children wake up. Sofia went to bed yesterday at 6:30 pm and is still asleep. It's 8 am. That child refuses to take naps, and it is so hard on all of us. Then she ends up collapsing in fatigue around 6 pm, waking up, and not going back to sleep until midnight or so. Last night we kept her asleep somehow. Catherine is awesome. She nurses beautifully and only wakes up when she's hungry. She does have a raging diaper rash, which breaks my heart every time I change her. I feel powerless. I've tried two types of desitin and aquaphor and nothing seems to be clearing it up. The doc said to blow dry her bottom. I've done it a few times, but not enough apparently. She's also a little congested so we're sleeping with a humidifier.

I am not looking forward to another hot day. San Antonio heat is dry and brutal. I actually miss the humid, rainy weather of Houston. At least it rains there. Here half our yard is dead because the lady we bought from never watered her grass. And I can't bring myself my go outside in the afternoon. It is absolutely too HOT.

I will do my best to post later. I have no job right now because of maternity leave, but I know that blogging will be harder than ever.

Decisions

2008-02-02T16:30:00.000-08:00

It seems that the only time I blog is when I'm feeling emotional or pissed off or sad. In fact, my husband told me that I shouldn't blog anymore because people would think that my life really sucks. I told him I'd blog if I damn well pleased, and that if he had something to say about it he should start his own blog.

Anyway, here I am. I've been away for quite some time. In that time, I've managed to get knocked up and turn 32 years old. In that order. I am about 5 and half months now. And this pregnancy is so different from my first. With Sofia I was always checking the internet to see what was happening in my baby's development stages. I was always obsessing about my registry. I was always doing SOMETHING with respect to the baby. This pregnancy? Not so much. I spend most of my days working and just trying to get through the day and keeping up with Sofia, who is now 2 and half. In some ways I feel a little guilty for not thinking as much about the fetus, but in some ways I think it's good. At least I don't have the stress of not knowing what to expect. I think that's what a lot of what it was with Sofia. It was all big unknown. Pregnancy and mommyhood. Not that I have it all figured out, but I at least have an inkling of what I'm in for.

So my husband just got a job offer in San Antonio. And now my life feels like someone flipped it upside down. Part of me wants to jump for joy and move in a heartbeat to be near my family and not work and have this baby. The other part of me wants to cry all the time and freak out about selling our beautiful first house (in a crappy market) and having to move in with my parents in San Antonio until we sell the house. And losing my health insurance and having to go on my husband's. And losing our second income. And living with all this uncertainty. What if he hates his job? What if I'm just as lonely there as I am here? I haven't lived there in about fourteen years. What if we can't buy a great house somewhere with good schools? And I swear, I've cried everyday since Wednesday (the day he got the offer).

But it's a good career move for him. I couldn't care less about my career really. I'm serious. The only thing I'll miss is the money. We'll still be living on less than what I even make. I'll have to defer all my student loans. How do people make these decisions? One of my friends just moved from the Woodlands to Austin because her husband got a job there. They wanted to be closer to her family, but once they moved, they hated it and now they're back in the Woodlands.

I think we'll end up doing it. I just have to come to terms with it. I feel like I have the baby blues early with all the crying I've been doing lately. If we make the move, he starts March 10th. So not only is this an insanely tough decision, but we're super pressed for time. We even had a realtor come look at the house today.

And something that really scares me? Is this staying at home business. As much as I really really really want to do it, it scares the shit out of me. All day everyday with not only one kid, but two kids. On a tight budget. How do moms do it? How did my mom do it? She had five freakin' kids. Won't I run out of ideas of things to do? Won't my kids hate me because I'm so darn boring? Will I turn into a wicked witch of a mommy who constantly yells? Wait, I might be one of those already. So many things to think about...

Well, hello there

2007-06-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

I went to a hair salon opening today. And I totally rock because I won a $75 gift certificate as a door prize. Oh yeah! And my toddler is asleep. And my husband is gone. He slipped out of the house muttering something like "I can't take this shit" after I got home from the celebration. See, he had been home watching the child. My cousin was gracious enough to go with me to the salon grand opening, which was totally fun, but my husband had to stay home with the child. I am a bit toasty, what with lots of margaritas. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I had a good time tonight. Which is important. I understand my hubby's frustration, but whatever. I spent two hours grocery shopping with the child earlier today. That was hell. How do people decide to have a second? Anyone? Miss Kellye is pregnant, BD just had her second, and Sabrina gave birth to a fourth? Holy moly. I really do want more than one child, but I feel crazy already. How does one make that decision? Oh yeah, I neglected to mention that my sister-in-law just had a third yesterday. WOW. She's still in the hospital.

I just created my new google account for this blog, and I decided to post something. I know I'm a sucky blogger, I don't need anyone to twist the knife. But I still love you internet. And I really love the one to three people who still periodically check back her for updates. You guys are awesome. I miss you!

Well, Hello There (and Happy Birthday to Me)

2007-01-22T21:14:00.000-08:00

You know how when you haven't blogged in a while, you just keep thinking, "well, I can't blog now because I never blogged about that or this" and you just keep putting it off because of everything you haven't captured? Yeah, well, that's me. I longingly read other blogs wishing I could just set the gosh darn time aside to blog. You know, instead of watching "Friends" and "Seinfeld" reruns on the WB. And here I am. Back. At least for tonight. And a whole year older, I might add. I turned 31 today. Thirty-freaking-one. WOW.

And boy, did today suck. Sure the hubby and I caught a movie for the first time in damn near a year. Oh, we've seen movies on video, but not on the big screen. It was okay, but the whole day just kind of, well, sucked. Maybe it's the sinkful of dirty dishes in my kitchen. Maybe it's the cluttered, messy, toddler-toy ridden house. Maybe it was Sofia's fit at the grocery store today. Maybe it was the fact that I ate some bad barbeque yesterday and yakked it all up last night. Whatever it was was, I hope it's not an indication of the year to come.

New things in my life?
A fast, fast growing toddler. Okay, so that's not new, but she sure does new things everyday. And MAN, she gets cuter by the second. (Note to self: must post pic's)

An Ebay addiction. You really can get anything!

A kitten! A cute cuddly little thing, who is also growing by the second. She is Ginger, and she drives me bats.

Holidays were good. Hope everyone else's were good. Sofia got a ton of stuff. It was amazing with Sofia a whole year older and actually being to open her presents and get excited.

Okay, I guess that's all for now. Baby steps...

Kittens

2006-11-06T21:34:00.000-08:00

Sofia got to see some real, live kittens yesterday! I wish I'd had a camera to capture the look on her face! The child grinned from ear to ear and kept pointing to the kittens and saying, "cat". She also did a lot of happy screeching. It was adorable, and something I never want to forget. My cousin's cat had kittens, and now I'm considering getting one...Is that bad? They are SO CUTE!

Fourteen Months

2006-10-31T20:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Sofia,
Last Tuesday you turned fourteen months old. Fourteen months old! You are a big toddler, but you are still my sweet little baby. When your daddy and I clown around with you and rock you like a baby singing "Rock a Bye Baby" you laugh and laugh, as if you know you're too big for such things. You just keep growing, Wee. You are getting more and more beautiful with each passing day, with big, beautiful curls on your head and giant, velvety, brown eyes.

You talk so much, Sofia! You say "dinothah" (dinosaur), "cooold", "hot" and so many more words, but your favorite words are "mama" and "dada", which makes your mama and dada very happy. You say both on cue, and we love it! You are so adorable.

We finally put your swing up in the backyard, and I think swinging is your favorite thing to do! The past few times we've been in the yard you constantly walk back to your swing pointing and babbling, wanting more. You love the yard, and I'm so happy we have a yard with trees and plants and lots of good grass. You love running around the yard, picking up acorns and rocks. Unfortunately you stick everything in your mouth! And you're a naughty little thing quickly running away from me when I ask you for what's in your mouth.

I skipped work yesterday and we carved a pumpkin together. You kept picking up the pumpkin chunks, trying to feed them to your dad and me. We took you to the Houston Zoo this weekend for Zoo Boo! You had a good time! You also had your halloween party at school today. You were a cat for halloween, and I thought I would fall over and die from the cuteness overdose. Your costume was adorable. Your dad found it for you. The two of you went shopping on his day off. I came home from work and you and he were returning from a walk with a pumpkin in the stroller. Tonight I couldn't help thinking about how you'll be trick or treating in a few short years. How the time is flying.

You still sleep with us, Sofia, in the family bed. I sometimes wish I could move you to your crib, but I cherish the warmth of your precious little body next to me at night. You are still nursing at fourteen months. Every now and then your dad says, "she's a little big to be nursing, isn't she?", but I don't mind. You pull at my shirt and say "chi chi". I love mornings with you, especially weekends. These are the days you wake up on your own and you're in a happy mood, sometimes climbing on top of me. And almost always, the first thing you say when you wake up is "mama".

I love you so much, Sofia. I am so thankful that I have you in my life. You are beautiful and perfect and I will always love you, my precious little Wee. Every morning I wake up, I kiss you and thank God for you. Every day I leave work, I think about you and can't wait to go get you from school. As we drive home, I can't wait to get home to carry you into the house and spend time with you. You make me so happy, Sofia. You are the best part of my life.

Love,
Mama

NEWS

2006-10-16T21:21:00.000-07:00

Gosh, so much has happened in the past month! But then a month is a long time, so what can one expect? No, I'm not pregnant. At least, not that I'm aware of...Robert and I bought a house! Yes, yes, our very first house! Can you believe it? I am still reeling. I can't believe someone sold us a house! Ha. It is a beautiful old, ranch-style house. Built in 1950. Three bedrooms, one bath, nice roomy kitchen, HUGE master bedroom, a nice utility room, a two-car detached garage, big yard. Lots of big trees. It's amazing. I wanted to post all about it last month before we closed, but I didn't want to jinx us. I know, silly. But it's ours now. And now we're broke. It is a big beautiful house, with a big mortgage, but it's totally worth it. It is far from where I work, but you just can't get houses like this in the Clear Lake area of Houston.

We moved in in a hurry. In one weekend, as a matter of fact. It was madness, but we did it. Thanks to a very close friend of mine, who helped a ton. It was hard with Sofia trying to get into everything as we packed, moved, and cleaned.

The weekend we moved, I started my period. My first period in about two years. I went through this insane depression, and I felt a little crazy with the move and all. I kept asking myself if we were doing the right thing, I was all weepy and stressed. Then I did a little research on the trusty ol' internet and found that it's common to go through that when weaning your baby from the breast. Sofia's feedings are not happening very often anymore, and my body's hormones were just going crazy. I was a MESS. Thankfully, the insanity didn't last. I think my hormones started balancing out a few days later. But it was awful. I had no idea this happened to women. Any other breastfeeding mommies out there who had this happen?

So, yeah, the commute is very long and ugly. Sofia's daycare is a good distance from the house too, closer to where I work. But I'm not too keen on taking her out of the daycare that we've gotten used to, so we're planning on keeping her there as long as we can. It takes me about an hour to get to work if I take Sofia to daycare. If I don't, it takes me about 45 min. And I pick her up everyday. It's rough when she falls asleep in the car on the way home. Although it makes for a peaceful drive, it's rough at night trying to get her to bed. We're getting used to things. My drive today was AWFUL. My drive home, that is. Mother nature decided to pour buckets of rain on Houston today, and I made the mistake of going into work. Getting home today was a three-hour ordeal. Yes, three hours. Two of those hours were spent trying to make my way to Sofia's daycare. Usually about a twenty-minute drive. So yes, it was bad, but I am thankful I was not one of the many cars I saw stuck in the high water on the road. Scary. I am very happy Sofia and I made it home safely.

Sofia is a little princess. She has not stopped saying "mama" since she first said it. And it still sounds amazing. Her hair is getting long and curly. She keeps me focused. And tired. Speaking of tired...I think my bed is calling me. I miss the blogosphere.

NASA, diaper rash, and seven years

2006-09-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

I am back. At least for the moment. Atlantis went off into space on September 9th, docked with the International Space Station two days later, and the crew installed a huge new piece of hardware to it after not building on it for years. I worked crazy hours, going in at 2:30 am for many days, but it was worth it. I worked hard and watching the crew perform spacewalks and watching the hardware perform was really amazing.

In other news, Sofia has a raging diaper rash. I mean BAD. The child cries and cries because of it. Poor little thing. We took her to the doc on Friday after a cold she had had not cleared up after many days. Her ears were fine, but her doc said it was probably a sinus infection so she prescribed her augmentin. A few days of that wonderful antibiotic and her little bum was so raw, I wanted to cry. I had been applying diaper cream to her bottom, letting her run around without a diaper (very dangerous) but nothing worked. Finally, I called her doctors office and ask that they switch her to something else. They prescribed her Omnicef. I hope her diaper rash goes away soon. It breaks my heart to see her so pained. I am applying lotrimin and diaper cream, hoping it works.

And last on my list of things to write about today...Robert and I were married seven years on August 21st. Isn't it pathetic that I just got around to posting about it? It is even more pathetic that we didn't really see each other on our anniversary since I had an all-day meeting at work that day and he worked that night. But I love him. And I think he knows. One of the last times I did laundry, as I cleaned out his pockets, do you know what I found? I found a baggie full of animal crackers and a pink barrette. Any man who carries stuff like that around in his pockets is a keeper. He is a wonderful father and husband, and I feel bad that I didn't dedicate a whole post to him.

But I am a few weeks late anyway, so whatever.

Hell

2006-09-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

It has been a long month, and the blogosphere has not heard a peep out of me. I have not been in hiding, I have been in house-hunting hell. I have also made stops in incredibly-overworked-and-underpaid hell, working-mommy hell, my-daughter's-favorite-teacher-no-longer-works-at-her-daycare hell, mother-in-law-came-to-visit hell, and I'm-a-broke-ass-fool hell. Oh yeah, can't forget tubes-in-my-child's-ears hell. I think there is light at the end of the tunnel but house-hunting hell is very dark and it sucks so I can't quite tell...

Sofia: ONE YEAR!!!

2006-09-05T21:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Sofia,
You turned one year on August 24th. A whole year old! You are such a big girl, and I just can't believe how you've grown so much. I remember the day you were born vividly. I remember how scared I was. How scared and thrilled your dad and I both were. At 7:06 pm, August 24th, 2005, you made your grand entrance into this world. It's amazing to look at you now and see the beautiful bright-eyed intelligent child you are growing up to be.

Sofia, you run circles around your daddy and me. Literally. You started walking around eleven months and never looked back! You walk like you were born doing it. Sure you don't like to check the path in front of you when you walk, and often stumble upon your toys laying all over, but you get the job done. I remember a little over a month ago, we went to the mall and I let you walk around a little as I followed closely. You, of course, were drawn to the toy store with its bright colors and fancy toys. I remember the the scary realization that you were growing up. Not just growing up, but really growing up. Walking. You are your own person, Wee, with the ability to walk away from me. I, of course, immediately snatched you up. You are still so much a baby. You are my baby.

You said "mama" for the first time yesterday. Monday, September 4th, 2006. I will never forget it. Your dad was making dinner and I was playing with you in the kitchen when you lifted your arms to me and said "mama". Your dad and I both heard it. It was the most wonderful sounding word ever. Music to my ears.

You got tubes put into your ears the day after your birthday, you poor angel. Your dad and I kept hoping that your ear infections wouldn't keep coming back, but they did. Your ear, nose, and throat doctor recommended we get tubes put in your ears, so we made the appointment and got it done. It was very hard on us, but you were back to your old self that very evening. You were tired most of the day. Of course, the night before we went out to eat for your birthday and let you eat chocolate cake, which kept you up until midnight! You recovered well from your surgery. You are such a strong little girl, Sofia.

You have reached so many milestones it is hard to keep track. You're saying several words, including the old favorites like "dada" and "duck". You have also added "ball" and my favorite "mama". And you are starting to repeat things we say. You're dad and I think the tubes in your ears have helped to improve your hearing, as they should have.

You love pushing your boundaries! You love getting into things you aren't supposed to. Like the cats' water. Yesterday you sat right next to it and poured it all over yourself. When we tell you "no" to something, you do it more. Or faster. You like to throw your food over your high chair. Especially when we tell you not to. And you are so cute doing it, it's hard to keep a straight face, when all I want to do is grab you and kiss you. When you have something in your little chubby hands you aren't supposed to, and I ask you for it, you snatch your hand away and run. It is hilarious! I hope this isn't a sneak preview to your teenage years! You definitely have a mind of your own.

You're still breastfeeding, although we kicked the bottle habit a few weeks ago. Since then, you refuse most milk unless it comes from a breast, which is fine by me. You are still in love with your pacifier, which will be a harder habit to break.

We had your birthday celebration at Chuck E Cheese's! Your cousins came into town with your aunt and uncle (my brother and his wife) and we had a nice long weekend together. I'm sure you won't remember it, but we have plenty of photos. You always have lots of fun when you're with other kids. Your cousins adore you, just as you adore them. It was funny to see you handle yourself just fine with all your big boy cousins. You let them chase you around the house while you laughed and laughed.

You got some good stuff for your birthday, including a Fisher Price Rock, Roll, and Ride trike. You really love that thing. And you are quite the daredevil. You actually try to stand and climb while we're pushing you on it. You have gotten very good at holding the handlebars, and you look absolutely adorable riding it. You also got a lullaby glow worm, and you love pushing its button and making it play music over and over.

You made out like a little bandit for your birthday. You got all kinds of clothes and toys, pictures for your room, and books. You got a fancy toy cell phone too that you like holding up to your ear. You are very loved, Sofia.

I love you so much, Sofia, I can't even put it into words. You are beautiful and amazing and I can't believe I lived so long without you. You are my everything. Every moment I hold you in my arms, each time I listen to your beautiful little heart beating while you sleep, each time I chase you around and around the house, I realize how very blessed I am to have you in my life. Your daddy and I love you more than you will ever know, my sweet little angel.

Love always,
Mama

Bummed

2006-07-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of bummed right now. Sofia has ear infection number 7. Yes SEVEN, if anyone else is counting. The poor little soul is all stuffy and coughing with phlegm. And when number six struck, she wasn't responding to the oral antibiotics, so her doc gave her three injections of a different antibiotic. Three days in a row of shots. Poor baby. It did the trick though and she was better. For about two weeks. Now with ear infection number seven, her doc just started the injections instead of messing around with oral antibiotics. She's had two so far and gets injection number three tomorrow. The thing is, she doesn't seem much better. And this worries me. We've already been referred to an ear, nose, and throat specialist for her. The appointment is in about a week. It will totally SUCK if she has to get tubes put in her ears. I know she wouldn't be the first baby to ever get them (if it came to that), but still.

And I'm bummed that tomorrow begins yet another stressful week at work for me. Not looking forward to that.

And I'm bummed that I have no idea what to do about Sofia's birthday. See, we want to have a gathering, but we want to keep it small. But we also want to have kids here because Sofia loves looking at other kids. She LOVES it. And when I start thinking of who to invite, my mental list just gets longer and longer and then I start worrying of what the hell we're going to do at this party. I mean, all I have in the living room is a couch. No loveseat, no chairs. Where will people sit? Okay, so I have four chairs for my beat-up, passed down, secondhand dining set. The seats of which, are made of that straw stuff, and they are falling apart. We can't sit outside because it will be August in Texas which is just crazy. No one in their right mind would sit out in the 100 degree heat with no shade (thanks to the lack of trees in these subdivisions) and mosquitoes attacking in full force. Oh, and I don't have enough chairs for people to sit outside anyway. Okay, and back to who I'm going to invite. My family won't come because they all live about 230 miles away. Not exactly drive-out-for-the-day distance. So that leaves a handful of my closer, local friends. None of whom have kids. My friends who do have kids are co-workers and I feel bad inviting some, but not others. And even if I could get over that, then there's the issue of having to clean the house and make it look presentable for people who have never been here before. Oh my god, the list goes on...And if we have kids here, what am I supposed to do to ensure they are entertained? We can't go outside and hit a pinata because it will be too hot. Oh, and there is no tree from which to hand the pinata. Man, this sucks.

And lastly I'm bummed because the house search is just not going well. And there was one house that we both liked, but it was very small and the distance I would have to drive to work would be very far (probably about a 50-minute commute), and we talked for many days about it. Could we live in a 1000 square foot house? The yard? was amazing. The neighborhood was cool, but the house was tiny (but it was a very clean, nice little house). Well, we talked and talked. And looked at other houses in the meantime. And looked and looked. And I finally started warming up to the the idea of the house, when I noticed today that there is an option pending on it. I guess I started feeling all this regret at not acting sooner. But I guess I shouldn't feel that way because the whole reason we didn't act right away is because we weren't 100% sure and if we weren't 100% sure...well, you know. Still, I couldn't help but feel sick about it. Kind of like someone punched me in the stomach. And I feel even worse that Robert was in a big hurry to sign a contract at first, but it was only one of the first houses we had seen, and I was the one who was like, "let's not be so hasty", and now I feel like it's my fault we won't get the house. It really is a great house. Even though it's small. It even has a cat door in the kitchen to the backyard. Oh, well. Enough of that. I just have to keep telling myself that we'll find the right place. Even if I'm crazy by the time we move in.

Eleven months

2006-07-24T21:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Sofia,
You are eleven months old today. You are getting bigger and bigger and smarter and smarter with each passing day. I am always amazed at how much you know. You took your first steps a little over a week ago and already you are taking nine, ten steps at a time! You have caught on quickly, my love, and decided that walking is what it's all about. You get up, walk a bit, fall. Get up, walk, fall. Over and over. I love that you keep trying, each time getting a little farther.

You point to your feet when we ask you. You point out the lights on the ceiling when asked. You actually say "Duck!" when I show you your rubber ducky and ask what it is. Duck and "Da Da" remain the two words you have down. I think you say kitty, but it comes out more like "gehdeh". It sounds beautiful. You do so many things, I've lost track. You do a cute little dance when you hear music.

You are a very strong willed little girl, protesting with all your might when we take something away from you. Your daycare teacher says you won't have any problem standing up for yourself when you move into the one-year-olds' room. Gosh, Sofia, I can't believe you're almost a whole year old.

Sofia, I love you with all my heart and soul. You are so beautiful and wonderful and perfect. You'll always be my baby.

Love,
Mari

I totally forgot

2006-07-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

...to mention that Sofia took three steps yesterday! We were in our living room and she was standing a small distance away from the coffee table and she took three steps towards the coffee table and didn't fall! Oh my beautiful, beautiful baby is turning into a beautiful, beautiful toddler.

Complete with tantrums. Yeah, I forgot to mention that too.

She has small fits when I take things away from her. Often resulting in her biting either me or herself. She bites like a declawed cat. It's not pretty. I hope this biting thing doesn't become a problem.

And I also forgot to mention that she had this weird rash this past week, and when I took her to the doctor her doc said it was Hand Foot Mouth disease. Common in the summer and contagious. Luckily hers wasn't too bad, with only the rash. She still ate pretty well and never got a fever. I knew she must have gotten it at daycare. Sure enough, when I mentioned it to her daycare teacher I was informed that, "Jake had a rash like that too last week. His was a lot worse." Nice. Ugh. I could do without all the germs and the colds and the rashes and the ear infections that come with daycare.

Sorry

2006-07-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

Gosh, this blog is really boring. I hate reading blogs that are never updated. So I guess I hate reading this blog because I suck at updating it. I know it only takes a moment to post, but for some reason I can't make time. Sorry.

Anyway, congrats to Alfredsmom! She gave birth to Emma Grace on June 28, 2006! I'm so happy for their family! It's so exciting to see all the pic's and remember what it all felt like. I never did a birth story like I wanted but I did write down most of the details on paper. Maybe I'll document it all the web yet.

Sofia is actually napping and Robert is occupied so I have a moment to write.

I have been super busy at work with the launch of of the space shuttle and the ongoing mission. In fact, I have to work today at 3 pm. Ugh. Working on a Saturday. I worked last weekend too and much of the past two weeks during strange hours, and it was rough on all fo us. Robert and I trying to juggle our schedules is not fun. But even though the hours are long and the job is sometimes stressful, it's times like these that remind me why I do like my job. And even with the on-going mission and all the craziness about, I still had to make time in the middle of my day to go and pump breastmilk. There are security guards everywhere during a mission searching bags, and checking badges and stuff. I felt a little weird opening my purse for them to search, then my computer bag, and then my breast pump. But I got over it quickly. In fact, it makes me proud for people to see my breast pump and to let them know that women actually do this. And I was very surprised to stumble upon a "nursing moms' corner" in one of the restrooms in the Mission Control Center building. It was partitioned off from the rest of the restroom and had a stack of magazines and breast milk guidelines posted on the wall and I was very excited about the whole thing. And then yesterday as I was on my way to pump, I saw another woman next to a break area sink washing breast pump parts. It made my day. It may seem strange to people that all of this makes me happy, but only a breastfeeding mom understands its challenges. And only a breastfeeding/working-outside-the-home/pumping-every-damn-day mom understands how hard it is. I wanted to hug that woman. But I just kept walking. With my head a little higher.

Well, enough of that. Lately Robert and I have also been looking at houses. We want to buy one soon, but that is a whole other stressful situation entirely. We found one we like and we're going to look at it again tomorrow, but it's far from where I work and the house is very small. It would be about a 45 minute commute to my job. Right now I drive 30 minutes. I hate that Houston is so spread out. It's ridiculous.

So between house hunting, working this mission and the upcoming mission (scheduled to launch on August 28th!), trying to figure out if I'm going to do anything for Sofia's first birthday and everything else that keeps me busy, I'm pretty much going crazy. Wish me luck!

Sofia: Ten (and a half) months

2006-07-10T20:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Sofia,
You are ten and a half months old. I was pregnant with you last year at this time! I haven't been that great about recording your birthday on the mark these days, but your daddy and I always wish you a happy birthday with each month you grow older. And I can't believe how the months just slip by. You turned ten months old on June 24th. You are right around 23 lbs and growing like a weed!

Over the past month and half you have sworn off Gerber baby foods. You eat nothing but big people food. You eat all kinds of veggies. And you especially love broccoli. You eat chicken, crackers, pasta, ravioli...pretty much everything. And you love feeding yourself. And if we try to pull a fast one and give you some jarred baby food you turn your nose up and try to hit the spoon out of our hands! The exception is fruit. You still love the Gerber fruit. I've started giving you Mott's applesauce too, and you love it. You are also a big fan of yogurt. Your dad and I have to watch out whenever we're snacking and you spot us because you come over to us and practically attack us for whatever it is we're eating. Sometimes you're worse than the cats!

You're still talking plenty and say "dada" pretty well. You also try very hard to say "kitty cat", and you adore the cats! I worry about them scratching you because you are constantly poking and pulling at them. So far, no scratches. It is so adorable when you get to Whiskers because you rest your little head on her and put your arms around her. It's so sweet the way you show affection. You do that to me and your dad too when we lie on the floor with you.

I heard you say "duck" the other day. Only it was more like "duh!" when I sang Old MacDonald. Then you followed it with "kah" when I did the quacking. You're getting there Wee, you're getting there. When I sit with you and point out colors and animals, I see the look in your eyes like you're really trying to figure it all out and make sense of it all. You're dad and I were so excited when you figured out how to put the balls through the tunnel on your Leap Frog toy. It is absolutely amazing watching you learn and hearing the excitement in your voice.

We took you to the beach a few times in June, and you loved it. You got a little tan despite all the sun screen I slathered on you. My little golden girl. My friend J came to visit with her son last month. He is almost three years old and you loved watching him and crawling after him. We went to beach together and to Moody Gardens to see the aquarium. There was a moment while I was holding you and you were watching the fish with such awe and wonder where I just wanted to bawl like a baby. I was so touched by the look of amazement in your eyes. You kept pointing your beautiful little chubby finger at the fish swimming by. I love you so much Sofia.

I think you're pretty close to walking. You get braver and braver everyday and are already standing up from a sitting position. You squat and then stand. It is so cute. Sometimes you start shaking your hands and then you fall, as if the excitement is just too much!

You can point out mama's and daddy's ears and noses when I ask you where your nose and ears are. You point to lights when I ask where they are. You point to cats when I ask where they are (and squeal with excitement).

You have another ear infection. This brings the grand total to six. It is very hard for me and your dad to see you sick so often, but you respond well to antibiotics and I'm hoping we don't ever have to get tubes in your ears.

Your dad and I are looking to buy a house, Sofia. A house you can call your very own. A house with trees and yard just for you. I hope we find one soon. I want the very best for you.

When I look at you, Sofia, I feel awe and wonder. You are the most amazing person I have ever met. I love discovering the world with you.

Love,
Mama

Weddings and a little Summer Fun

2006-06-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

We had no big plans this weekend, since Robert had to work tonight because he was off last Sunday. Last Sunday we went to two weddings. Wedding number one was a friend of mine from college, with whom I also work. I've actually known him since my freshman year of college, and we just happened to run into each other at work one day ten years later. So we keep in touch now. This is funny because, through him, I've managed to get in contact with a few other friends from college. Here's the happy couple.
Not that great of a photo, I know, but we didn't take too many. I wish we had taken some at the church, but we forgot our camera. We went back to get it before the reception. It was a catholic wedding. We had fun. It was a nice wedding. I love weddings. Especially weddings I just go to as a guest. Being in a wedding or helping plan a wedding is so stressful. But just going to celebrate, eat, drink, and be merry? That I can totally handle!

Wedding number two was a Hindu ceremony, in a completely different language (thank goodness they had programs!). I can't remember the name of the dialect. It was the wedding of a very good friend of mine from work. He and his fiancee (actually we're friends with both of them) had been engaged for about two years, and her parents wanted nothing to do with him because he wasn't Indian. Eventually they came around and sprung for the wedding. Honeymoon and all. The wedding was really nice and we had lots of fun. I, in spite of being very sick. Here is a pic of happy couple number two:

Last weekend was good. And we got to see family, although it flew by way too quickly.

So, because last weekend was so chock full of activities, we planned to keep things simple this weekend. Do some shopping, pick up around the house, etc. We did a little mall shopping yesterday and I bought Sofia two bathing suits. Now, I had planned to take her swimming at some point in the near future, but after seeing Beth's blog entry with Mia in her swim suit, I knew I couldn't wait to put my child in hers. This created a bit of a dilemma. See, we have no neighborhood pool. And Robert and I are so lazy that we have not purchased a little backyard pool for our child yet. Not knowing what to do, I lamely suggested filling the big garden tub in the master bath with water and letting her splash around in her swimsuit. Robert suggested we take her inflatable rubber ducky tub to the backyard, put some water in it and let her splash around. We went with his idea because, while both ideas were pretty lame, his at least seemed to be more in line with the use of a pool for cooling off purposes. It seemed more summery. We could be in the backyard. Whatever. It kind of made sense at the time. Ghetto? Well, yes, but she looked adorable.
She had fun during the short while, but I have a feeling she's thinking, "What kind of operation are you people running anyway?"

Sick

2006-06-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

I finally made my way to the doctor today. I have been battling this "cold" for the past three weeks and, while it may have started as a cold, it has morphed into something much nastier. Just getting an appointment was a feat in itself. I swear, you'd think my doc was some world famous cancer doctor the way one can NEVER get an appointment. If you're sick, expect to see him a week later at least. Anyway, the cold turned into a sinus infection. I diagnosed myself via the world wide web. And my doctor agreed with me. I had the pressure headaches, the post nasal drip, the coughing, the fatigue, the works. The only thing I didn't have were the antibiotics. So he prescribed me Cipro. That seemed kind of strange, but apparently it's used for sinus infections too. Not just anthrax.

I'll start them tomorrow. I dropped my prescription off at the pharmacy and Robert said he'd pick it up, but he got home so late that the pharmacy was closed already. Sucks. At least I get to work from home tomorrow.

Sofia: Nine Months

2006-05-31T20:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Sofia,
On the 24th, you turned nine months old. Are you really nine months old? The months have gone by so quickly, they're a blur. It is amazing watching you grow and discover things each day, but at the same time, I wish I could keep you a baby a little longer.

Sofia, you are such a big girl now. You are constantly talking! You express so many things with your baby talk. I know when you're happy and I know when you're upset (especially when I take things away from you -- you don't hesitate to yell).
I know when you're excited and tired. Gone are the days when I didn't know what the heck was bothering you when you were crying and crying and all I could do was nurse you or rock you to soothe you. You are growing up.

You are eating all kinds of foods now. Still, mainly Gerber, but we're branching out. I've started giving you meats at your doctor's instruction, but you're not quite sure about them. You eat all kinds of fruits and veggies and we've started giving you wagon wheels and fruit puffs, as well as cereal and oatmeal. And of course, you always get mama's milk.

I find so much joy in nursing you. When you are nursing, you're still my baby, and I love cradling you and stroking your hair and cherishing those moments that will be gone before I know it.

You're not too shabby with your sippy cup although a lot of the water ends up on your shirt. I'm hoping you'll get better over the next month or so and we can get you off the bottle completely. We'll see how that works out. Your grandma, aunt and uncle visited this past weekend. They were all so impressed with how well you feed yourself and how you drink from your sippy cup.

This past month you grew some more teeth! You have about three coming in, which may explain why you are so fussy sometimes and wake up at night. You had another ear infection this past month too, which wasn't fun for any of us. That brings the count to four (I think) so far. You can also stand and walk the length of the coffee table or couch or crib...

I think your favorite song is "Old MacDonald had a Farm". I go on and on and on with all the different animals. Sometimes it's the only song that stops your crying in the car. You love it. You also love "She'll be Coming 'Round the Mountain". You smile and laugh when I bounce you up and down on my knee singing it.

You love bubbles and try to crawl on me and your daddy whenever we blow them for you. You still like playing peek-a-boo with me and your new favorite game is "hide the pacifier". Daddy and I hide your pacifier under the pillows on our bed, but you find it every time. We started out really trying to hide it from you so you wouldn't use it, but that didn't quite work out.

You had your nine-month check up the other day, and you weighed in at 21 lbs, 6.8 oz. You are 28 and 3/4 inches long! I can't believe how big you are. Your grandma and aunt reported sore arms after they got home from carrying you all weekend. They watched you this weekend while your daddy and I went out for the first time without you here in Houston. It was strange being without you. You are so much a part of us.

This past month we took you out for playtime in the park. You liked watching the ducks and loved shoving grass into your mouth. We also made a stop at the beach on my first Mother's Day. You loved the water! We actually let you feel the waves rush up to you. You squealed every time. It was so cute. We took you over to our neighborhood park the other day too, and you LOVED the baby swing. I had no idea you would love it so much. Our little thrill seeker. You love the outdoors. Everytime I leave the back door open for the cats you try and escape.

Sofia, I love everything about you. I love watching you grow, listening to you talk. I love the way you show all your teeth when you laugh. I love the way you yell when I try to pull something away from you. I can't believe there was a time not long ago when you weren't in the world. I can't wait to hear your first words, watch you take your first steps, and continue to discover the world around you. Every day brings something new, and I'm constantly reminded of how blessed we are to have you in our lives. Thank you for all the joy you bring.

Love,
Mama

Lately

2006-05-22T20:36:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged much lately. Things have been busy. I am upset that the Spurs lost to the Mavericks tonight, but oh well. On another note, I broke out in hives last week. Friday morning at around 3 am I woke up itching like hell. I had hives all over. It's happened before. About a year and half ago, I started breaking out in hives when Robert and I went up to DC and New York for a week. They (the hives) stuck around on and off for about eight weeks. I went to an allergist who did all kinds of pokey, pin sticking tests on me, but couldn't find out what was causing them. Then they disappeared not to be seen again until this past Friday morning. So for the past few days I've been getting them on and off. They are a real nuisance. I took Benadryl a few times until I read that Allegra may work better and I wouldn't have to worry about the whole drying out of the breast milk or making the baby drowsy because of the medicine. I took some Allegra last night and so far so good. No sign of hives today. I am also getting over a nasty cold, so I was a miserable creature this past weekend.

We went shopping this weekend for wedding gifts (yes, I was all bumpy and itchy). Robert and I are going to two weddings this upcoming weekend. And I have nothing new to wear. I quickly came to the conclusion that I would have to be wearing a rerun of the outfit I wore to Sofia's baptism to at least one wedding after I realized I have no time to go shopping. I guess I'll pull out an old dress for the other. Kind of sucks. One of the weddings is a traditional Indian wedding. I've never been to an Indian wedding before and I'm pretty excited about going. I wanted to wear something pretty and bright, but I guess that's not going to happen.

We are actually going to these weddings sans Sofia. We have not actually had an outing without Sofia. At least not in Houston. In San Antonio, when we visit, if we visit friends we can leave Sofia with my parents. But here, we have no babysitter. But this weekend, my mom and my sister and her husband are actually coming to visit and offered to watch Sofia while we go to these weddings. Isn't that the coolest? I'm pretty excited to see my family this weekend. I miss them.

Sofia had her nine-month checkup this morning. She's a couple of days shy of nine months. She is doing well. Cutting teeth and taking names. Her doc says we can start feeding her table food, but I am terrified that she will choke on everything. How does one get over this fear? Before she gets all her teeth, of course. She ate a piece of grass today. I like to take her outside to look at the grass and birds and what little trees there are in our neighborhood. She likes looking around, but she loves shoving grass in her mouth. I can usually grab it out of her hands or out of her mouth, but she had shoved a blade of grass in her mouth and before I knew it, it was gone. This child.

I will bring my babbling session to a close as I have to wake up at 5:30 am tomorrow for work. Good night.

San Antonio: Part Two

2006-04-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

So I'm finally getting around to posting more pictures from our little trip to San Antonio.

While we were in San Antonio, we took Sofia on her very first trip to the zoo. We went with Robert's sister, her husband, and their two adorable kids. At the zoo, there's an area with lories -- these crazy birds. The zoo provides nectar for a price to its visitors so they can feed the lories. It's kind of neat and fun for the kids to see the birds so close. They're pretty birds, but the birds are also kind of crazy when they see the nectar. Sofia kept her cool and just kind of looked on

but her cousin was terrified! I love this photo.

We also saw lots of other animals like leopards and tigers and stuff.
It was lots of fun.

During the week we also made it over to my sister's new house. She and her husband just bought this amazing house. I couldn't wait to see it. We visited and had a good time. Here's my sister and Sofia.

That's really all I have. Oh, I guess I should post a picture of Sofia eating because really it was during this trip that she decided solids are really not the enemy. So here you go. Isn't she adorable?

Crazy (whine, whine)

2006-04-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been meaning to post, but (wah, wah, wah) I'm going crazy because I have too much to do. And then this past week, I lost my my wallet and my keys. Not kidding. The morning I discovered my wallet was missing I had to go into work at 5 am, and I was already running late, so I REALLY felt crazy. Luckily I found it later that night (under my bed, of all places). My keys were missing all week, and I got locked out of the house one day because of it. Then? they miraculously show up in a place I know I already searched about a thousand times. And last week I lost my bank card. Thankfully, I realized it soon after and called to deactivate it. And Robert went out of town for work for a couple of days last week too, so I was super exhausted having to both take Sofia to daycare and pick her up and do all the shit I already have to do to get ready for each day. Sometimes I feel like the universe is playing a cruel joke on me.

My schedule has been so erratic lately with me running to meeting after meeting at work that I find myself pumping in the car (driving to meetings or before work because I won't have time to pump at work). I never realized the extent to which I could multitask until I started pumping in the car. I can drive, pump, AND talk on the phone. Imagine that. Of COURSE, I use a headset with my cell phone. You think I'm crazy? Well, yes I am crazy. And I'm sure the people who see me hooked up to a breast pump while I'm driving think I'm crazy too, but whatever gets the job done.
Somehow I've managed to keep my child solely on breast milk and I'm hoping I can keep it up until she's a year. I have a love/hate relationship with my breast pump.

Speaking of breast milk, has anyone seen this article on mothering.com? Breast milk to treat warts? Whaaat?

Next week I have to go into work at 3:30 am two days. We're doing a flight simulation for one of the next Shuttle flights, and I know it will be CRAZY. Oh, well, that's life.

Aside from losing my keys, my wallet, and getting locked out of the house this past week wasn't too bad, I guess. I got to work at home on Friday, which was great. I love being home with Sofia, and since Robert is off on Fridays I actually get some work done.

I really don't PLAN on whining when I start these posts, that's just how they come out.

Eight Months

2006-04-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Sofia,
At 7:06 pm tonight, you officially turned eight months old. You were crawling around the living room floor, looking for things that you could shove into your mouth. Sofia, I cannot believe you are eight months old! I really can't. You have grown so much it's amazing. And you are SO HEAVY. You weigh 20 lbs, 6 oz. You are very difficult to lug around now.

I never posted when you turned seven months, my love, and I'm sorry. During your seventh month you were on strike against solid foods, and you perfected your crawling technique. You practiced by rocking back and forth on your hands and knees. I thought I would fall over because you were too cute for words!

We visited San Antonio just after your seven-month birthday and had you baptized. We visited with your grandparents, you met your great-grandparents, visited the zoo for the first time, and played lots with your cousins. It was during this visit that your tastebuds miraculously came alive and you decided that solids are not so bad after all! Now you will eat cereal, oatmeal, squash, carrots, sweet potatoes, and all kinds of fruit! You still aren't a fan of green beans or peas, but you'll eat them reluctantly. We sometimes give you the mushy part of French fries and you love them. Please don't judge us when you are older. I know grease and salt are probably not a good idea for you, but we don't give you much. Oh, you also like mashed beans.

I cannot believe how well you crawl, Sofia. You are FAST. Your dad and I are trying to figure out how to best baby-proof the areas that are accessible to you. Just this past week you started PULLING UP on stuff!
Yes, we noticed it when we put you in your crib one day and the next thing we knew, you were standing! And you didn't stop there. You enjoy pulling up on the coffee table too, which scares the heck out of me because there is always so much miscellaneous debris on it, as well as all kinds of papers. And as soon as you get something in your beautiful little hands, you shove it into your mouth to explore. I don't know how you chew through things so fast with only two teeth. It looks like more are on the way, which may be why you go through some extreme whiny spells. You have also mastered the crawling to sitting transition, and it's so cute! You crawl and crawl and stop and pop up onto your little bottom.

You have more patience for books now, actually looking at and touching the pages when we read you a story. We read you Brown Bear and The Very Hungry Caterpillar a lot. You recognize the purple cat every time. Your dad and I are convinced that you try to say "kitty cat". Every time you see our cats, Buxy and Whiskers, you start saying, "kkkkkk...kkkkkk". And of course, your dad and I cheer you on! I can't wait until you say your first real word. You say a lot already, like "dadadada" and "tata...ta...tatata". Sometimes we can hear you talking to yourself in your carseat while we're in the front of the car. We giggle about it. We love hearing you talk, Wee!

We lost one of our cats this past month, Sofia. Her name was Trouble and she was a beautiful gray tabby. Someday we'll show you lots of pictures of her and tell you all about how wonderful she was.

You had your first Easter this month too. We went to Sacred Heart Cathedral in Galveston and took you to your first Easter egg hunt after the mass. You looked beautiful in your Easter dress. You liked chewing on the plastic eggs.

We took you out to take photos with wildflowers this month. We took photos in your baptismal gown and your Easter dress. You wanted to eat the flowers.

You still sleep in our bed. I still nurse you as much as you want during the night. You will only be small once, and I love having you so close to me at night. Listening to you breathe. You still love bath time. You always have your pescadito and your rubber ducky with you. You still hate getting dressed after.

My beautiful girl. I still can't believe you grew inside of me for many months. I often look at those pictures we took in the hospital of you so beautiful and tiny. They bring tears to my eyes. I can't believe you are the same little girl growing right before my eyes. Sofia, you are an amazing, beautiful, wonderful gift. I sometimes wonder what your father and I did to receive such a gift. We are so thankful that you have graced our lives. You make our lives so rich and happy. My beautiful Wee, my Sassafrass, my angel. I love you.

Love,
Mama

San Antonio: Part One

2006-04-23T19:58:00.000-07:00

When I sat down to write that last post, I had no intention of writing all about Trouble. I guess that's just where my mind was. It's a sad part of life losing a pet. Thanks for the kind words. It always feels good to know people care.

I never wrote about our whole trip to San Antonio, and I really wanted to, so here goes...

Like I said before Sofia's baptism went great. We had it at the same church where Robert and I got married. I felt horrible because we got to mass late! No kidding, we got there about twenty minutes into the mass. The church is closer to my parents' house, but we were over at Robert's mom's house before the mass helping get things ready for the gathering to follow the baptism (this was Robert's mom's idea). Well, of course, we ended up running late because Robert is helping his mom do this and that and all this family keeps showing up (a bunch of his aunts and his grandparents came into town for the baptism) and I'm trying to get ready and get my child ready and then no one knows where the church is so they all have to follow us and...you get the idea. So yeah, we were late, but the important thing is that we made it! We had to put the finishing touches on Sofia in the car because we were so rushed, but that's okay. Robert said Sofia looked like a Quaker with her bonnet.

She cried a little before the actual baptism itself so I had to run back into the sachristy to feed her before we got started, but she didn't cry during the baptism. She was an angel. Here she is right after.

and some pic's of the family and the family and the godparents(and one of her cousins)...

And here's a good one of my angel with her grandpa (my dad).

The gathering after the baptism was really nice! It was all family. Robert's sister, who is Sofia's godmother, came down from Maryland with her husband and two kids (we're their godparents). Robert's grandparents wanted to be in San Antonio for the event so they could see all their great grandchildren at once. It was something to behold. So many generations together. Really awesome. We went out to the Grotto of our Lady of Lourdes the next day (it's a really beautiful grotto) and took photos on the grounds.
Here are a few:

Here are some with Sofia's great grandfather (Robert's grandfather).

So that was the first few days of our visit. I've got tons more photos of the rest of our visit, so more to follow!

For Trouble

2006-04-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

My God, I cannot believe it has been close to a month since I posted! Time goes by so quickly. Well, we were about to take our trip to San Antonio when I last wrote. We went and Sofia's baptism was beautiful. We got to spend lots of time with family, which was both good and bad. Robert's mom did drive us nuts like she always does, but it was still nice that Sofia got to see her and her other grandparents. We got to see my sister's new house, we took Sofia on her first trip to the zoo, and she spent lots of time with her cousins from Maryland. She bit her cousin on the foot one night too and will forever be dubbed "the biter", I'm sure. She got a bad rap. After all, she is teething.

My cousin stayed with us the weekend we returned. See, he recently informed me that he would be moving to Houston because he had accepted a job here. And he needed to find a place to move into soon. I told him he could stay with us whenever he wanted to come to Houston to look. Well, he called me while we were in San Antonio and asked if he could stay with us so he could go apartment hunting. I told him "sure" and even offered to drive him from place to place over the weekend. I had no idea how tired I would be, but I picked him up from the airport a mere three hours after we had driven in. Well, the weekend ended up being very horrible. See, when we got home our cat, Trouble, was very sick. She had been suffering from a hyperactive thyroid for quite some time and had been losing weight over the past few months. She wouldn't eat when we got back and was vomiting blood. We were both really upset. We took her in to the vet on Saturday. The vet saw her told us that she was likely suffering from a combination of kidney failure and the hyperactive thyroid. That we could opt for treatment, but she was such an old cat and might not respond. It was horrible seeing her so pained and weak and quiet. After much thought, Robert and I said goodbye to our beautiful cat. She was 14 years old, almost 15. She was born in Robert's old house on his sister's bed. We still have her mama, Whiskers.

Yes, that weekend was especially hard. We had to deal with the guilt from leaving the cats for a week (my friend was coming in to check on them, feed them, and take care of their litter but they usually hide anyway, so he wouldn't have noticed), we had to deal with company in the middle of it all, and Sofia would not stop crying during Trouble's last hours. I had to leave her in the waiting room with my cousin so Trouble wouldn't be upset.

I did most of my crying after my cousin left. It was really hard not being able to grieve the loss of her because we had company. I loved her so much. She was such a good cat. I know that the decision was so hard, but I know that we made the right one. I'll miss her so much. Robert and I keep remembering sweet memories of her. The way she would drink water really loudly -- ridiculously loudly. The way she loved eating bread and tortillas. The way she would "talk" to the birds outside the window. She loved to play, and used to fetch wadded up paper when she was little. She was the sweetest, gentlest cat I ever had. Our sweet little Chubble, Chubba. Our sweet Trouble. We'll miss you.

Nuts, anyone?

2006-03-23T21:39:00.000-08:00

I'm really tired today. For the past two days, I have been stressing about what to wear to my child's baptism. It's not that I'm vain and I need a perfect outfit or anything, I just want to not look crappy. And for the life of me, I COULD NOT FIND A DAMN THING TO WEAR. After two trips to the mall. And, shit, these trips to the mall are not fun. I picked up Sofia from daycare on Tuesday, then drove to the mall to look around. Robert met us there, but we ended up not leaving until 9 pm, totally screwing up Sofia's bedtime by the time we got home. She wouldn't go to sleep until after 11:30 pm, which resulted in us staying up a lot later. I bought a skirt and blouse I decided I didn't like very much. I decided to keep them but get a different blouse to go with the skirt and then I'd need shoes of course. So, I went BACK to the mall today (I didn't go yesterday because I was tired as hell. It didn't help that Robert worked late and I had no relief with the child.

So my trip today was just going to be me and Sofia, but I quickly realized it wouldn't be that easy. She was sitting in her stroller in the dressing room of Banana Republic and the child was NOT HAVING IT. She decided to pitch a fit until I let her crawl around on the floor. Then she was very happy. I also stupidly did not bring any toys for her to play with, so she kept going straight for the stroller wheels and my shoes. When I put those out of reach she started crawling around and found a foreign object on the ground that appeared very fascinating. I investigated and found the foreign object was a wad of someone's chewed up gum with hair all over it. I almost fainted. So gross. Good thing the child didn't put it in her mouth. So I spent a good while cleaning her hands. Then she didn't want to get back in her stroller, so I strapped on the baby bjorn. Which, of course, makes it impossible to try any clothes on. When Robert offered to come help I excitedly accepted. Unfortunately after he got there he turned into this mean sour thing telling me to hurry up. Like I didn't want to get out of there too? Anyway, yeah, so he met us there and the experience was horrible. I think I've been scarred by this horrible shopping experience. I ended up buying a different outfit, but now I need shoes. And I'm afraid I'm going to freeze my ass off in San Antonio the day of the baptism because my clothes aren't exactly wintery, and mother nature decided to turn south Texas cold for a few days. Go figure.

Our plan is to leave tomorrow night, which is absolutely crazy, but the baptism is on Saturday. I would love to take tomorrow off, but I don't have enough vacation time to cover it. We're spending all next week in San Antonio. I feel like a nutcase with all the shit we have to get done before we go. I hope Robert's mom doesn't drive me further into insanity while we're there. I don't think I can take it.

Ever have one of those?

2006-03-20T21:35:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those nights where you have a big mental list of things that need to get done, but by the time the baby finally goes to sleep after fussing and tossing and turning for about three hours you have no idea what it was you wanted to get done and the only thing you have any energy for is surfing the web and reading the blogs you haven't had a chance to really read in days?

What? More Breastfeeding hurdles?

2006-03-15T21:59:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned that I finally broke down and bought a laptop? And oh, how liberating. I love being able to actually surf the internet and stuff somewhere other than my bedroom. We still have the desktop in the bedroom, and I hated it there because when Sofia goes to sleep I hate worrying about waking her. The light from the monitor was always too bright too. Right now? I am pumping and typing. I love it! Too much information?

Yesterday Sofia was a bit cranky when I picked her up from daycare and Miss E said she'd been that way for a couple of hours. She wouldn't eat from her last bottle and I ended up dumping a whole five ounces because of it. It sat out for too long. Anyway, I fed her there on the spot and she settled down a bit. Then I fed her a couple of times after we got home, but the child was in a biting mood. Literally. She kept biting me, and it fucking hurt. I mean, REALLY hurt. I mean, I actually cried for a while with one of the bites she gave me. I was afraid to feed her for the rest of the night, but I did.

Then I stayed home with her today, and she was good. She didn't bite me once. Well, maybe once, but it wasn't too bad. I just can't get over how cute she is. I love being with her. I wish I could do it more often. I tried again with the cereal today, but no luck today. You win some, you lose some I guess. I asked Robert to ask the daycare people to try the cereal tomorrow and then I'll try again tomorrow night. I hate wasting breastmilk. It sucks.

So I watched America's Next Top Model and that Jade girl needs to be kicked off. She's a pain in the ass, but at least it makes for some good drama. American Idol sucked. When is this Kevin going to be voted off? He sucks ass. What a joke. For a minute I was afraid Ace was going to be voted off. Sure he's not nearly good enough to win, but he's hot, so let's I hope they keep him around for a while.

Good News

2006-03-13T22:10:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited! Today Sofia actually ate some cereal. Yes, it was but a few spoonfuls, and it was really milk with a teensy bit of cereal, but she ate it! She opened up her mouth and everything. This is progress.

Robert also took care of all the details for Sofia's baptism. So it's all set. In a couple of weeks she'll be baptized, and we're doing it at the same church where we got married. I'm pretty excited she'll have a special day. I'll be sure to post pictures.

This past weekend my cousin came into Houston for work on Thursday and Friday, and he stayed with us for the weekend. We had a good time. He and I were very close growing up. He informed me that he took a job in Houston, so that means he'll be moving! Yea! I'm so excited that we'll finally have some family here.

And although last week was rough -- I worked a hellish 12 hours on Friday -- it was worth it. I plan to take Wednesday off thanks to my overabundance of hours. I love being with my baby. She's amazing.

Boys

2006-03-09T20:53:00.000-08:00

This morning I left for work around 6:30 am and left Robert asleep with Sofia. He told me later that she woke him around 7:30 am and would not go back to sleep. She apparently, was very fussy. Usually I can calm her down easily with the boob, but Robert, being that he is a guy and all doesn't have boobs.

I asked him later, "Did you wish that you had boobs?" You know, so that he could calm her down. He said "no". When I asked why he said that he would like his boobs too much if he had them. Boys.

Sad

2006-03-08T21:01:00.000-08:00

Once again, tonight I tried watching American Idol while flipping the channel back to another show. This time it was America's Next Top Model. It's going to be a challenge watching both shows if they stay on the same night. Hopefully I can rise to the challenge. Perhaps I need a life? Oh, wait, I'm too tired to do anything BUT watch TV.

Was very distressed to read Kelly's post today. Does this mean no more updates on Adelaide? What will I do? Ack! I was very sad. I hope Kelly continues to post at least every once in a while because I love her blog. First Banal Drivel, now this? Michelle over at BD informed me that she probably wouldn't be blogging for now. I completely understand since I hardly have time to post anything, but I couldn't help but be sad. See, these are the blogs I would read faithfully throughout my pregnancy. These and Beth's and a few others. I loved having someone to "talk" to about the same things I was going through. I loved that when I suffered through the woes of carpal tunnel during my pregnancy that Kelly totally understood because she had it too. I loved that Michelle and all the other breastfeeding moms went through the same painful process of getting the baby to latch on correctly like I did and lived to tell about it. I, too, love having "blog" friends and feel like they're real friends. I will have to keep getting my fix from all the other blogs I read like Alfred's Mom, Sabrina, Beth, Ali and others.

I'm as smart as an 8th grader

2006-03-08T20:52:00.000-08:00

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

Cool. At least it's something, right? Thanks Mabel!

Sofia: Six Months

2006-03-04T21:45:00.001-08:00

Dear Sofia,
You turned six months February 24th. I can't believe you are six months old! When people ask how old you are, I can hardly believe it myself when I tell them that you are six months old. But you are. You are no longer the teeny tiny baby we knew months ago. You are a big, beautiful, healthy, happy, curious baby. Why, just today, your dad and I took you to the Cry-baby Matinee at the Angelika Theater and you were one of the biggest babies there. We couldn't believe how small the other babies were.

Gosh, Sofia, this past month you have reached so many milestones. Where do I begin?

Well, you now have two beautiful little teeth. And when you smile you can't miss 'em. And you do. You still smile all the time. And we still love it. I'll never tire of that beautiful smile that lights up your entire face.
You started eating solids this past month. Only cereal really. But you came down with a sinus infection not too long ago and you're taking antibiotics. Since you've been taking them you haven't shown much interest in the cereal. But you still love mama's milk. I'm still breastfeeding you, and I'll do it for as long as I can, because I think it's best for you and I'm thankful that I have been able to successfuly do it for so long while I've been working full-time. We'll work on the cereal more when you're done with the antibiotics. And we'll work on more stuff too, like bananas and sweet potatoes.

You're also "talking" a lot more. You've been doing this since before five months, but lately there's no stopping you. You also screech like a little velociraptor. It's really adorable. You kept doing it at the movies today.

We noticed about a week ago that you started waving. I don't think you've made the connection with "hi", "bye" and waving but you wave all the time. And we're always waving back at you. You've discovered your hands and your feet. You love to chew on your toes. Especially during diaper changes. You hate sitting still for diaper changes and like to wiggle all over the place. The same goes for changing your clothes.

This past month we took you to the beach for the first time and you really enjoyed yourself. We loved watching you watch the seagulls and the ocean.

You're doing really well at daycare. Thriving, really. I'm happy that you love the ladies who take care of you. You are all smiles for them, but when I pick you up at the end of the day you smile ear to ear and your face lights up. It is the most beautiful sight in the universe. I know you are happy to see me and that is the best feeling in the world!

You still sleep in bed with me and your dad, and I don't plan on moving you out any time soon. Maybe that's a mistake, but it just feels right. I love having you close to me all night. Maybe it's because I miss you so much during the days I'm at work. I love the smell of your baby shampoo, and I love listening to your breathing and your little heart beating. It's amazing.

Speaking of sleep, you do well at night. Waking only once or twice to nurse, but you go straight back to sleep. We knew something was wrong a few days ago when you kept waking in the middle of the night crying for a couple of hours. Turned out you had a sinus infection. We had to give you antibiotics, and you hate them, but you still manage to take what you need. I had been wanting to take your pacifier away and have you quit cold turkey, but I haven't done it. I haven't had the heart.

And I'm not sure exactly when it happened Sofia, but you are crawling! At first you kind of scooted along, but you can make it nearly across the room if I take my eyes off you. Sometimes you still lay there and act like you can't crawl, but I've seen you. You are mobile. I have to put pants on you to make sure you don't get rug burn. :)

Each night I look at you, I can't believe you're mine. I can't believe you grew inside my belly. You never cease to amaze me, Sofia, with all that you do. I love you my angel, my Sofia Wia. My Wee. You are the most beautiful, precious, amazing gift in the world. Your daddy and I are very blessed to have you in our lives. I love you with all of my heart and my soul.

Love,
Mama

Sinus infections and TiVo

2006-02-23T22:35:00.000-08:00

Robert and I recovered from our rough weekend (oh, it was baaaaad), only to find at Sofia's six-month checkup, that she has a sinus infection. And thrush. Poor child. So she's on antibiotics, which she HATES. And she doesn't care much for the cereal lately. But she does love mama's boobs. Which makes me feel special. Lately, I must admit though, that I haven't been able to pump worth a damn. When I breastfeed, Sofia is happy as a clam, so I know she's getting enough. What I don't get is why my pumping output has dropped so significantly. I've just attributed it to being sick and I'm hoping it will climb back up, so here's to hoping. I may be popping fenugreek just yet.

I worked from home yesterday to be with her, and realized that it is very difficult to telecon into a meeting when trying to put an infant down for a nap while breastfeeding.

Tonight I also learned that trying to watch both American Idol and Survivor by flipping channels back and forth is not smart. I still don't know who the second guy voted off on American Idol was, but I did get to see Ruth Marie voted off on Survivor. I really need to invest in TiVo.

Rough Weekend

2006-02-18T22:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was horrible. I woke up feeling not so great. My stomach was a bit torn up and I was making a few too many trips to the bathroom for my comfort. I decided to call work and let them know I wasn't coming in. I thought maybe I could make it in for the later part of the day. Boy was I wrong. Either Robert and I got food poisoning or we picked up some nasty bug because we spend the good part of Friday puking, sitting on the toilet, and trying to sleep. The sleeping was not so easy with an almost six-month-old needing us all day.

Yes, it was a bad, bad day. We spent all day pitifully sick. Poor Sofia. She wanted attention and I couldn't even lift her for more than a few seconds. I had chills. The works. Thankfully I started feeling better in the evening and was able to play with Sofia and bathe her and stuff, but Robert didn't really feel better until today.

Then as we were getting ready to go to bed Robert somehow manages to break the thermometer I had lying on the nightstand (I had taken my temperature earlier to see if I was running a fever -- I wasn't). And it just happens to be one of those old school mercury thermometers. So, of course, we panic since it breaks on the carpeted floor in our bedroom Sofia's asleep on our bed and she wakes up because we have to turn the light on so Robert could see where the mercury went and clean it up...and the night becomes a lot longer than we anticipated. We moved out of the family bed so we could open the window and air out our bedroom and into the nursery , where we have a futon so that's where slept, but we had a hell of a time getting Sofia to sleep. We're sleeping in there again tonight because I read somewhere to air out the room for 48 hours, but it's rough. Sofia is not used to sleeping anywhere else but with mommy and daddy in their bed. She's been waking up and howling every few hours and it's rough getting that child back to sleep. Poor baby.

Strollin' in Style

2006-02-16T22:10:00.000-08:00

I worked my ass off last week at work and had lots of extra hours, so I took today off. It was nice and I planned to do so many things, but of course, I only did a few. Robert stayed home from work too, but because he's sick. Again. We think he has undiagnosed asthma. He gets sick way too often. He's going to the doctor tomorrow.

Because we all stayed home today, we made it out for a nice walk in the neighborhood. I finally opened up this stroller that was a shower gift for Sofia. It was in the box for months because I thought she was too small for it, but it's perfect! It's sort of like a jogging stroller, but not quite. It's all spiffy and nice, nothing at all like the stroller we've been using that is part of that infant travel system. She looked adorable too. After we got back from out walk, we fed our little sweet pea some rice cereal, bathed her, and put her to bed. It was a good day. If only I didn't have to work tomorrow.

So now that I've been feeding my little one rice cereal, I have a question for all the other moms: Does the cereal replace an entire feeding for your baby or do you still feed baby milk before or after the cereal? See, I'm a paranoid breastfeeding mom. I'm always terrified that my breastmilk supply is going down because of the whole working mom/pumping mom thing. Every time Sofia gets cereal, that's less time she's nursing so, unless I pump, it's essentially a missed feeding (lately I feel like the crazy milk pumping lady I'm pumping so often). Anyway, I'm just not sure how other moms have been doing it. One of the LLL leaders suggested I have daycare feed her the majority of the rice cereal then exclusively nurse when I'm with her. Any other suggestions?

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T20:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day! I know, I'm late. It's already the end of the day, but I hope everyone had a good day. We didn't do anything special, but that doesn't mean this isn't a special day! Robert proposed to me eight years ago today. It was a very special day. Mainly because we had really never discussed marriage, and he totally surprised me with an engagement ring. And then I cried like a baby because he had even asked for my dad's permission before he proposed. I was floored. He had even picked out the perfect ring. It was a complete and utter surprise. I was so happy. We were broke students, but we were crazy about each other. I'm still crazy about him. And I'm crazy about the little Valentine we have together (who sometimes drives me crazy). Robert's the best. He keeps me sane. Most of the time.

Exhausted

2006-02-13T22:25:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I actually have a few minutes to write! I just don't know what to do with myself. I am finally recovering from last week, which just turned out to be a truly hellish week. All week I went in at 7 am, which required me to wake at 5:30 am. My usual going to bed at midnight or 1 am just wasn't cutting it, but I just can't seem to go to bed any earlier. It's not that I don't want to, but my nights are consumed with getting ready for the next day. I never understood how hard it was to be a working mom. I know being a mom is just hard, but I've never known exhaustion like this. Work is demanding, home is demanding,

Sunday night I caught the last thirty minutes of Grey's Anatomy (I haven't been able to watch it for weeks because Sofia was going to bed after it started) and I cried and cried watching it. Was it really that emotionally wrenching? Probably not, but I think I just needed an excuse for a good cry. When I thought Bailey's husband might not make it, I just lost it. I mean, the woman was giving birth and her husband might not make it? Gosh, I cried a lot. I needed that. Some days I feel like my soul has been sucked out of me and it's all I can do to keep going. Yes, that sounds a bit dramatic, but hey, I feel dramatic.

The child is beautiful. Her dad took her to the doctor today because she has been coughing a sad little cough lately and has had a runny nose. Maybe we're overreacters, but better safe than sorry I say. She's fine. The doc said it was just a cold. She has two teeth now, and they are some sharp little things! The second is not quite as big as the first but it's getting there. She hasn't bitten me yet, but I can still feel the teeth and they hurt. We also started her on rice cereal these past couple of weeks and she's doing quite well. We also took her on her first trip to the beach the weekend before last. She enjoyed watching the seagulls and the water. Unfortunately it was the not-so-glamourous Galveston beach, but at least there's one nearby.

My child is stirring, so I have to get her back to bed.

We're a Happy Family

2006-02-04T17:28:00.000-08:00

Highs and Lows

2006-02-02T19:45:00.000-08:00

High points of my week:
- Sofia's getting her first tooth! I felt it barely pushing through on Monday, and now there's no doubt about it. My baby's getting a tooth. I hope she goes easy on mama's boobs...
- I got a laptop for work with a nifty docking station. I hope this makes working from home easier.

Lows:
- Feeling like I work in a Dilbert comic strip. I had so many b.s. meetings this week it's ridiculous. Pre-meetings, internal meetings, tagups...I hate it when meetings -- especially stupid meetings -- eat into my day and keep me from getting real work done.
- The husband getting home late almost everyday. Man, that gets old.
- Not being able to upload photos on blogger. What gives? I could do it before and for some reason, my pictures aren't showing up! Any ideas why?

Five Months

2006-01-29T22:43:00.000-08:00

Dear Sofia,
Six days ago you turned five months old. I promise I am not a lazy mother, and I know I probably should have written this sooner, but this week has been crazy and exhausting (most are). I am just glad I got around writing it before you turned six months!

This past month you have grown into a giant smiley baby. You smile ALL the time, and your dad and I LOVE it. You smile when we talk to you, when you wake from the night's sleep or a nap, when you see the cats, when you get your diaper changed. You dislike getting your clothes changed and having your nose wiped so those are a few times when you're not smiling. And when you're fussy...man, watch out!

You were sick this past weekend (mama's 30th birthday weekend), and we knew something was wrong when we tried and tried to get you to smile and you just looked at us. Like you wanted to smile but couldn't. Sure enough, your doctor said you had picked up some type of virus, but you battled your fever like a champ (with the help of tylenol) and the only thing left of your sickness is a stuffy nose (that you hate having wiped). You hated being at the doctor's office getting poked and prodded. You had your nostrils swiped to check for flu and your finger pricked to check for any bacterial sickness. You screamed bloody murder! It was all I could do to comfort you. Your dad and I both stayed home a day with you this week to be with you as you got over your sickness. You are back to your pleasant smiling self again.

You love to play games like peek-a-boo and the "near/far" game that I borrowed from Sesame Street. I run up to the mirror with you in my arms and say "near" then run backwards and say "far" and repeat it over and over. You like it when I put you really close to the mirror. It makes you laugh, and your laugh is the most wonderful sound in the entire world. You also like seeing your mom and dad jump up and down while yelling "JUMP! This is how we jump! JUMP!" Yes, we look like two crazy people, but you LOVE it! You also love it when I dance around the house with you in my arms.

You have lots of toys, but you I think you love your Fisher Price fish bowl and your aquarium best. Times you have awakened in the middle of the night, your dad will take you over to your crib and let you watch your aquarium. This calms you down. You also love this Winnie the Pooh teething ring that plays the Winnie the Pooh song. You really love anything you can chew on, including your pacifier.

You've become great with your hands! You're really good at picking things up. You can grab the pacifier from our hands and put it in your mouth the right way. You can turn off light switches. You can't turn them on yet, but you can turn them off. You also love grabbing at my face. You grab at daddy's face too. It's sweet the way you smile and grab at our lips or noses or cheeks.

We think you'll be crawling soon, but you're not yet. You can kind of scoot a little if we put you on the bed. And you leave a little drool trail like a snail. It's cute. You don't have any teeth yet either, but you drool and chew on things like crazy.

I have kept you on breastmilk this whole time, and for that I am very proud. Your dad and I are going to start you on solids soon though. We bought rice cereal for you during our last trip to the grocery store. You are so big. At the doctor's office you weighed in at 17 lbs 13 oz!

Sofia, you are growing so fast. Sometimes I wish I could keep you the size you are because you are so beautiful and amazing and perfect just the way you are and I feel like there aren't enough hours in a day to enjoy and love you. But I know that you'll only grow more beautiful and amazing and perfect as you already have. I wish I could spend more time with you, Sofia, I do. I cherish every moment I have with you. Yes, even when it takes over an hour to get you to go to sleep at night. Even when you wake up in the middle of the night and won't go back to sleep. I know how lucky and blessed I am to have such a beautiful, amazing baby in my life. Sofia, I treasure you. You are my world. Always know that your mom and dad love you more than anything in the world.

Love,
Mom

Silver Linings

2006-01-22T22:47:00.000-08:00

Not such a bad day. I got some of the biggest smiles ever from Sofia tonight while I danced around with her in front of the mirror. She even let out some pretty big adorable laughs. And I gave her bath and put her to bed and now she is sleeping like a angel. These are moments I treasure. And Robert loaded the dishwasher.

Happy Birthday to Me

2006-01-22T14:40:00.000-08:00

A less than great birthday so far. Not that I expected fireworks or anything, but you know. We celebrated yesterday by going out to eat, but first we took Sofia to the Children's Museum here in Houston. She's only almost five months, so she couldn't play with most of the stuff, but we mainly took her to see all the other kids and stuff. It was neat. Then we went out to eat, which was a casual thing. Just the three of us. Sofia slept through all of dinner until they brought us the check and she woke up screaming. Poor thing had been kind of cranky a lot of the day. She wasn't her usual smiling self. When we finally got home we took her temperature and she had over 101 degrees! She was burning up! She had been waking up for a couple of hours in the middle of the night for the past few nights, but we didn't think anything of it. Turns out she's sick. My poor angel.

So my day today has basically been taking care of a sick baby. She's in better spirits today now that we have her on the tylenol. Robert had to go to work like he always does on Sundays and I'm left here to think about how old I'm getting all by myself. He doesn't turn 30 until April.

So. Here I am. In a messy house. Sick baby is napping. Only one of my sisters has called me to wish me a happy birthday. I have three sisters and one brother. And one of my only friends from high school that I still talk to occasionally. Which was actually really cool because he had all this dirt on people I knew in high school so we had a good laugh. My cousin text messaged me a happy birthday. My best friend (the only friend from high school that I talk to frequently) still hasn't called. Five bucks says she forgets. It wouldn't be the first time. Oh, well, hopefully the year won't suck.

Hmmmph

2006-01-20T15:53:00.000-08:00

Today Robert asked me if I wanted to invite friends out to dinner in honor of my 30th birthday, which happens to be this Sunday. I told him "no" for a few reasons. Number one, I don't like reminding people of my birthday. I feel like I'm asking them to to wish me a happy birthday or buy me a present. I'd rather skip the reminders and make my friends feel guilty later when it comes up that they missed my birthday. I say all this because I'm good at remembering birthdays. I don't think it's too much to ask that the few people with whom I do occasionally socialize remember my birthday. Number two, I realize that I look like crap about 90% of the time and I am okay with this, since the only people who see much of me outside of work are my husband and my child. I manage to make myself presentable for work, but still show up most days in jeans. But let's face it. I haven't had a hair cut since June for my baby shower and I have only a limited number of clothes that fit me. I don't have much time to beautify myself. Hell, I don't have time to really write this right now with the squirming baby on my lap getting squirmier and squirmier by the second. Dinner with the husband and baby sounds fine to me. I think I'll go in jeans and a t-shirt. Seriously.

So yeah, 30. Jeez. And no, I'm not posting this to remind everyone. Just thinking aloud thank you very much.

Another Monday

2006-01-16T18:28:00.000-08:00

I was stuck at work today, which really sucked because I didn't do much of anything. One of those very unproductive days. Tomorrow, on the other hand, I will be in meetings all day long, but probably still not very productive. I hate meetings. They suck.

I worked from home one day last week, but was only able to get a little work done when Sofia decided to nap. And for some reason she has been taking 30-minute naps. That day in particular, she took a grand total of two naps. 30 minutes a piece. So, working was tough, but we did work on her crawling technique. No, she can't crawl yet, but I think she's catching on. I can tell she wants to get to something when I put it out of her reach and she starts making these crawling motions. It's funny, it looks like she's swimming on the floor. So I've been getting behind her and pushing on her feet and she manages to push herself toward whatever she wants. She's been fussier than usual, and I wonder if she'll start teething soon. She's been chewing everything in sight, so maybe.

My group at work got a new boss. Announced last week, effective in about a week. All I can do is hope that he's not an asshole and that he's fair. I mean, I know the guy, but you know how you can know people and think they're cool and all and then you get them into a management or higher-up positions and suddenly they turn into assholes? Yeah, well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that that doesn't happen here. He invited everyone out on Friday to happy hour at a bar near work and bought everyone a few drinks. Funny enough, I went since Robert was home for Sofia, just to make an appearance, but I ended up not even hanging out with the people I work with. I stayed for a few beers, but I missed my little one so much I couldn't take it and went home. She was very happy to see me. It made my day.

Happy hour was pretty dorky. I used to go all the time because Robert used to work every Friday night until 12:30 am so I'd go with friends, but that shift stopped when I was pregnant. It seemed a lot more fun back then, but not so much on Friday. There is always some drama going on. It was weird being in a bar. I hadn't set foot in one in over a year. Since before I got pregnant!

Hmmm, this weekend we also bought a book about sign language for babies (who knows? It just might work!). Has anyone out there tried this? We ordered the movie Melinda and Melinda but didn't finish it, and I was a sucker and joined a children's book of the month club. I ordered some books and got ten books for two bucks. Of course, I probably missed some fine print and owe them one of my future children, but I did it anyway.

On another note, I guess my delurking post wasn't quite a smashing success, as I only got four comments. But it's the quality, not quantity, right? AND I LOVE those who commented! So thanks!

C'mon and Delurk!

2006-01-10T05:56:00.000-08:00

I am running late for work and eating cereal and I'm still here to remind you all that this is delurking week. Just see for youself at Beth's, and Chris's and Kelly's...and I'm sure lots of other people have reminders (thank you Sheryl). So delurk already! Or you know, comment if you're not a lurker, but a reader nonetheless! And I promise to do the same!

My Girl

2006-01-07T23:26:00.000-08:00

I had the girl to myself all weekend. Well, the weekend's not over yet, but the husband went out of town and is driving in tomorrow. But he has to work all afternoon, so even if he does come home before work, he'll only see us for a couple of measly hours at most. Anyway, so I have Sofia all to myself. And I have been soaking all her beauty and cuteness and endless smiles up like a sponge.

Today we watched the Baby Einstein "Baby MacDonald" DVD. You know, farms and farm animals. Sofia couldn't pull her eyes away from the TV. And the funny thing? The cats couldn't either! They were mesmerized. It was so funny.

On another note, I think she'll be switching to the stage 3 diapers as soon as we finish the stage 2 diapers she has. I can't deal with the poop leakage every time she goes! The laundry is overwhelming. The scrubbing...

Back to Business

2006-01-03T20:37:00.000-08:00

First day back at work? Sucked. I got little sleep thanks to Sofia's sleep schedule being all out of whack. Even at 11 pm last night, she flailed her little arms spastically when we placed her on our bed, in her crib, or in her pack and play. The child would not calm down. I went to bed late and went in to work eeeaaarrrly. Rough day.

Well, it's 10:42 pm and the child is asleep. Let's hope it's not a nap.

Lately I've felt as though my brain is oozing out of my ear, I can't remember anything. I felt brain dead at work today. Even with my cup of shitty coffee.

I also ate way too many cookies today.
I think that I could lose weight a lot faster if I just stopped eating cookies, but it's just too hard. Last night I fit into some prepregnancy pants. Well, okay, not exactly fit into them. I could zip up and button them, but I had some extra stuff hanging over the sides, and no decent individual would wear pants that tight (nor would they wear pants with that much cathair on them -- it seems my cats have taken to sleeping in the closet). Still, zipping and buttoning them is progress. And for that I am happy.

Oh, well, on with the week. The sooner I deal with it, the sooner it will be over. Right?

Happy New Year!

2006-01-01T17:57:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone had a good Christmas or Channukah or Kwanzaa and a festive New Year's Eve. We are (finally) back home after a four hour drive earlier today into town. I was gone the entire week since I was off. I figured I'd stay at my parents' house and visit with them, the rest of my family and my best friend. I did and I'm glad I stayed. Even though I missed Robert the couple of days I didn't see him. And he missed Sofia like crazy. Talk about a lot of driving. We drove in on Christmas Eve, I stayed but Robert drove back into Houston the Tuesday after Christmas. Then he drove back to San Antonio on Friday and back into Houston today (with myself and Sofia). I'll be happy to not make that drive for a long time! Especially since Sofia has taken to really hating her carseat. She cries and cries for long stretches. A four hour drive is not fun. We also have to stop and change her at least once. It's rough.

Anyway, we were in San Antonio for Christmas, then for New Year's. We spent New Year's Eve at my older sister's house with all my siblings but one (I'm one of five) and some friends. It was fun except Sofia stayed up until midnight right along with everyone. She fell asleep at 9 pm and I thought she was down for the night, but she woke at 10 pm and stayed awake until the end of the night. My sister lives in the 'hood, and everyone around there pops fireworks. Yes, even with the so-called "burn ban" in Texas and the fact that we were completely inside city limits. This made for a very loud evening. Of course I was a little concerned with the noise, but we made it through the night and Sofia fell asleep when we got back to my parents' house. She kept falling asleep later and later as the week went by, so hopefully I can get her back on her sleep schedule without too much of a problem. She's napping now.

We had a rough week leading up to Christmas. Car trouble with both cars, then repairs costing a small fortune. Robert was deathly ill, and Sofia got an ear infection. So, the Friday before Christmas Eve, our sick family drove around and shopped for Christmas presents. We managed to get everything, but Christmas weekend was just crazy and rushed. At least we got to spend time with family and I got that whole week with my parents. They got their granddaughter fix. They could not get enough of that child. Everytime I came out with the baby, one of them would swoop in and snatch her up. They took care of her a couple of evenings while I was gone for a few hours. They were more than happy to. This was nice as we have no sitter where we live.

This visit really made me think more of relocating closer to my family. I know four hours isn't really that far, but now that we have Sofia, it's really rough making that drive and packing all her stuff. The husband agrees that we should try to relocate. We'll see if it's possible.

I hope 2006 brings lots of good things and I hope that Sofia grows bigger and stronger and smarter each day. I can't believe that this time next year Sofia will be walking and talking. Amazing. Good luck to you all in this new year!

Four Months

2005-12-28T20:49:00.000-08:00

Dear Sofia,
Four days ago you turned four months old. We were driving to San Antonio and getting ready for the big Christmas Eve feast on your four-month birthday. I apologize for not writing this sooner, but this dial-up connection at your grandparents' house isn't easy to deal with.

Sofia, you are now four months old. It seems like time is just slipping away and every minute you are doing something new. Why, just this morning I heard you laugh a real laugh. A beautiful, sweet, silly little laugh while your grandpa tickled you and bounced you up and down. You laughed every time, and I couldn't believe it. Two days ago your dad and I noticed how you protested when we took a snow globe away from you. You cried until we gave it back. And did it again and again. Yes, we tried it multiple times just to be sure. Amazing. You now lie on your activity mat and enjoy it. You grab at all the animals dangling overhead. You have started noticing the cats and smile when you see them up close. You even try to touch them. You are getting better and better with your hands and know how to take out your pacifier and put it back in. You don't quite put it in correctly all the time, but you're getting there! You now not only roll from back to belly, but you know how to roll back again! I keep thinking you'll crawl soon the way you move those chunky legs. You like to stick your bottom up and try to move your legs.

You notice EVERYTHING. It amazes me sometimes how you'll be eating and notice something from the corner of your eye. You turn your whole head to get a better look. This makes your nursing sessions longer, but they don't last very long generally. You are now an extremely efficient eater. I can practically flash my breast your direction and you latch on with no problem. I still love to nurse you. Nothing makes me feel closer to you than that. You are my sweet little baby.

You have an incredible smile! It is beautiful. Sometimes you smile a smile so big we can see your tongue, and sometimes you give us a little impish smile. You still love mirrors and almost always smile when you see your reflection. You have a dimple on your right cheek that always shows up when you smile.

You got some good loot for Christmas including a Fisher Price Aquarium which absolutely mesmerizes you. You got lots of new books, and even sat still to let me read some to you. I hope you grow to love reading as much as your dad and I do.

You don't cry a lot. Usually when you do it is because you're tired or hungry. You were unusually fussy last week, and your dad had been sick so we took you to the doc just to check you out. You had the beginnings of an ear infection, so you are now taking antibiotics. A painful process. You spit out most of the medicine. You hate it. You also got a shot of antibiotics at the doctor's office. I almost cried it was so painful to watch. Poor baby had just gotten your second round of immunizations two days earlier. You weighed in at 16 lbs, 8.2 oz and measured 24.5 inches. I can't believe how big you are!!

You are an amazing child. And God, you are a beautiful baby. I can't believe you are mine. I can't believe you actually grew inside me for all those months. I am so thankful for you, Sofia. Your father and I feel very blessed and love you so very much!

Love,
Mom

yankee swap

2005-12-21T16:25:00.000-08:00

oh my god. The Office was so freaking funny last night. Yankee swap. I loved it!

checkup

2005-12-21T16:00:00.000-08:00

Sofia had a doctor's appointment today. For the past couple of months I kept telling myself that we would find out her weight and height on Dec. 21. Last night I checked the little reminder card that the doctor's office gives you with the appointment date and time, and her appointment was actually Dec. 19! Yes, I missed her appointment. I'm a bad mom. Sue me. The office usually calls to confirm but no such luck this time. And no one even called to tell me I missed it! Baffling. Anyway, I called and they said they could fit her in in the afternoon, so I drove us waaaaay across town to her appointment, but we took care of it.

I ended up skipping work today completely to take my child to the doctor for her second round of immunizations and four month check-up. I can't believe she'll be four months on Christmas eve! She weighs 16 lbs, 8.2 oz and is 24.5 inches long (95th and 75th percentile, respectively)! Yes, my little one is growing and growing. She cried a river when they gave her those shots. Her poor little chubby thighs. I winced when I saw the needles.

The doc said we could start giving her solids soon. I'm a little worried about the whole solids thing, but I'm sure we'll manage. I know it will require a lot more time than whipping out a boob or a bottle, so I'm a little scared. I mean, I barely have enough time to sleep these days.

She is now napping with Dad, and I haven't decided if we're going to go ahead and take her to get Christmas portraits done. We made an appointment for her for today. Oh, we tried to do it over the weekend last Sunday, but the child would not cooperate. She kept making herself stiff as a board and sliding out of the booster seat. She looked adorable though.

Robert is sick as a dog and has just been resting all day. Poor thing.

We have only a few days left until Christmas, and the husband and I have not begun our Christmas shopping. Yes, we are crazy. We had company this past weekend so shopping was a little out of the question.

My last day of work before the holidays is tomorrow and then I'm off until Jan 3, 2006! Woo-hoo! Thank goodness this doesn't come out of my vacation because I no longer have any vacation days after maternity leave. I cannot wait to just hang out with my baby and my family.

Apologies taste so good

2005-12-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

Sofia wanted to chomp on daddy's apology roses to mommy...

I'm back!

2005-12-16T15:58:00.000-08:00

Yea! I'm online again. Whew! I thought I would go crazy without internet or cable. It's amazing how much I use the internet. And how much TV I watch. I missed the finale of Survivor, but I know Danni won. I missed the finale of America's Next Top Model, but I know Nicole won. You know, the really important shows. And I'm sure I missed a few other finales that I suppose I'll have to live without seeing. Oh, well.

Sofia's grandpa is visiting. He's an Aussie and I used to get a big kick out of his accent when Robert and I were first dating and I met his dad. Sofia screamed bloody murder when she met him last night. Robert said she chilled out today and let her grandpa hold her.

Robert and I got into a big fight the night before last over thank you cards. No, I still haven't written some of the thank you cards from one of my showers in June. I realize this is horrible. I was extremely irritated when Robert's mom "reminded" me a few weeks ago that we had to get them out. No shit. I already knew we had to send them out. Anyway, Robert was cleaning the house for the first time in forever (and only because his dad was coming in the next day) and he came across the abandoned stack of thank you cards on a table and started getting all self-righteous about how I need to write the thank you cards and that he's reminded me countless times, which is bullshit. He never reminds me. I lost it because he made it sound like I just deliberately did not send them out. Like I have all this free time on my hands and he just couldn't believe that I hadn't done it yet. I was also pissed because he made it sound like it was alllll up to me because I'm the girl, etc, etc. This thoroughly pissed me off. And he got mad because the ones that have been sent out were some to my family. These were only sent out because we went to a baby shower for my cousin in October where I knew we would see all the same people who gave us presents, and I sent out a handful of cards to save face. I guess he took it personally and thought I was avoiding sending cards to his family. Idiot. Anyway, I was livid and was throwing things at him. It was all very dramatic. He was a jerk, but apologized last night and appropriately brought me roses. I guess it would have looked really bad if I ignored him while his dad was here. Jerk.

What? No MTV??!!

2005-12-05T21:44:00.000-08:00

Our cable got shut off today. This is not something out of the ordinary. It happens every once in a while because my husband and I can never get our shit together when it comes to bills. Oh sure, we pay them all, but not in any organized way. We are perpetually paying late fees. You get the idea. Anyway, because we have no cable we have no MTV. Because we have no MTV I couldn't watch The Gauntlet tonight. This sucks. I am an MTV junky. Yes, I admit it. I watch The Real World, I watch Making the Band, I watched Laguna Beach, you know. They're all pretty bad, but the Gauntlet is some real trash. And I can't get enough of it. Yes, I'm almost 30 years old, and I still can't get enough MTV. I realize that all of these shows are crap, but I watch them anyway. And I often flip to MTV when nothing else is on and watch reruns of shows I've already seen. It's my dirty little secret. So I was thoroughly disappointed that I missed the Gauntlet. Luckily for me, MTV reruns their shows about 50 times. Thank goodness!

Well, without television to watch I spent the evening with Sofia carrying her around and singing Christmas carols to her. She really enjoyed it too. Sofia loves to smile. She is a really happy baby. And she has a beautiful smile. I'm hoping to gather more Christmas cheer as the holiday nears, but I don't know how we'll have time to do everything. I want to decorate and shop and bake and take Sofia to get a pic with Santa, but maybe I should just settle with getting my shopping done.

On another note, my hair seems to be falling out. It's really disgusting. Clumps everywhere. Is there no end to this?

I'm tired

2005-12-03T21:38:00.000-08:00

I've been bad. I have not posted in quite some time, but I've just felt so uninspired and well, just tired.

Robert, Sofia and I had a very good Thanksgiving although the days just seem to fly by. This in large part because of a project Robert was working on while we were in San Antonio. He decided to apply to grad school at the last minute and needed to submit a visual sample of his work. He wants to get into a film program and decided to make a movie. So, he wrote a short screenplay and filmed it the weekend we were in San Antonio. He used me and some friends to act in it. I cannot act, but I did the best I could. My sister and brother-in-law helped with the sound and watching the baby. So we worked really hard the Friday and Saturday after Thanksgiving, but it was fun. Just really exhausting. Then we drove home Sunday (now a four and half hour drive with living so far away and the baby) and I had to be in to work on Monday morning at 7 am. Because we were making the movie at my friend's house I spent all this time with her, which was really cool. I don't usually get to see her when we're in San Antonio because my family is so big. I usually spend a lot of time visiting with family and Robert's family.

I had to be in at 7 am all week actually.
And all week I had to train this new guy they hired in our group. That was exhausting because this jerk-off was impossible to train! He seemed to think that he knew everything already. That and he is extremely lazy! How can a person just start a job and already be that lazy? I don't understand.

I'm excited about Christmas. I'm not excited about being broke. Robert had to pay a large sum of money for our last school to release his transcript. He still had an outstanding student loan. They released it, but now we're behind on all of our bills. Which sucks. Especially before Christmas.

My house is a mess. I worked mostly 10-hour days this past week, which was rough. The good news is that I get to take a day off next week because I'm over hours now. More time with the Sofia. She is, by the way, wonderful.

Sofia: Three months

2005-11-23T23:01:00.000-08:00

Dear Sofia,
Today you are three months old! How fitting that the three month anniversary of your birth falls on Thanksgiving. You are what I am most thankful for. You bring me such joy everyday just knowing you, seeing you smile, and watching you grow. You are a beautiful child.

You have grown so much! I love kissing your little thunder thighs. You make your daddy and me work for your smiles sometimes, but I don't mind. All the silly voices and faces are worth your beautiful bright smile.

This month you started daycare, which was incredibly difficult for me. You seem to be doing well and get happy faces on your activity sheets everyday. Miss E says you never cry. Daddy feeds you a bottle of breastmilk every morning and drops you off at daycare after I leave for work. Sometimes I visit you during lunch to breastfeed you and just hold you and smell you and love you. I pick you up at the end of the day and bring you home to spend a few precious hours with you.

When I bring you home, I read to you and help you practice rolling over, sitting up, and grabbing at things. Yesterday you rolled over all on your own, and now there is no stopping you! You love to roll! You love seeing the world from this new angle. Even in your bouncy seat, you try to roll. Everyone is very impressed with your new rolling abilities.

Tomorrow morning we head out to San Antonio for Thanksgiving at your Aunt Jessica's. You'll see your grandparents and most of your aunts and uncles. Mommy should be asleep because we still have to pack a lot of stuff and wake up around 6 am, but I wanted to be sure that I told you how very special you are on this day. I am so truly thankful for you, Sofia. You are the single most wonderful thing in my world. Always know that I love you.

Love,
Mommy

Milestone

2005-11-22T21:44:00.000-08:00

I "worked from home" today. Yes, my day consisted of doing a little work and hanging out with my baby for a large part of the day. I loved it! I loved not wasting an hour of my day driving to and from work. I loved eating breakfast in my house and not having to get my coffee on the outside because of my mad rush out of the house. I loved sleeping in a little later. I loved that Robert felt relaxed because he didn't have to rush to get the babe ready for daycare. And most of all I LOVED being able to see my sweet Sofia all day long!

Sofia ROLLED over today! She started showing signs of this increased mobility over the past few days. She would roll on her side and stay there. Then I started giving her a nudge while she was doing it on her activity mat. She would roll over onto her belly and look around. But today, folks, she did it all on her own! And once she did it, there was no stopping her. She wants to roll in her pack and play, on her changing mat, everywhere! She is so cute too. She throws her whole body into it and gets really excited once she's on her belly.

As soon as Robert got home, I had to show him! And I think she's rolling early too! I can't wait to show my little love off!

Happy

2005-11-18T22:19:00.000-08:00

This week my manager gave me the okay to work from home. Limited, of course. I'm going to play it by ear and only work from home on the days I don't have any meetings planned or don't physically have to be present for work, but I think it'll work out well. I am soooo excited about this new development! This means I can be with my Sofia a little more!

I am also happy that I made it through my full second week back at work. Pumping is getting easier. It's just a fact of my life now. It will be tough sometimes, but I think I can do it for Sofia's first year. I just have to keep telling myself that I have to and that Sofia is getting all kinds of benefits because of it.

I went to visit her at her daycare twice this week and breastfed her. It sucks that it's so far, but this is yet another inconvenient hurdle, and something I can work around. Seeing her brightens up my day, so it's totally worth it.

I'm excited that the holidays are right around the corner and that we get to see family.

And right now I'm just excited that it's Friday night (Saturday morning) and I don't have to get up early tomorrow!

Daddy's Little Angel

2005-11-14T22:19:00.000-08:00

I couldn't help myself. I tried to resist, but I just had to post this photo.

The Joys of Motherhood

2005-11-13T13:34:00.000-08:00

Sofia pooped a giant explosive one this morning. It leaked through her onesie and onto my shirt and shorts. It even got on my foot somehow. Gross. Then? as I changed her I allowed her to air dry a little and carried her over to her daddy to show him how cute our naked little baby is...and THEN she proceeded to pee on me.

Lately

2005-11-12T21:28:00.000-08:00

Well, I managed to get through my first full week of work. I haven't had much time to do anything though. My days are FULL. I wake up and try to feed Sofia before I rush off to work. She doesn't always want to eat either if she's already eaten around 5 or 6 am. The 7 am feeding I try to force on her doesn't always go over well. She usually stays asleep. Then I rush off to work ( I find myself driving 80 mph every morning thinking, "the earlier I get there, the earlier I can leave..."). Then I rush through my work somehow fitting three pumping sessions in so I can have milk for my baby's next day. At the end of the day I rush over to her daycare (a good 20-minute drive without traffic, so more like 25) to pick her up, try to feed her bit before we begin our other long drive home. Then I feed her properly when we get home, play with her and pay as much attention as I can to her (trying not to allow my attention get sucked in by the television), try to shove a sensible dinner down my throat. I bathe her with Robert's help if he's not working late, then we put her to bed (usually by 10 pm). Then I fix Sofia's bottles for the next day, shower, iron my clothes, and fall into bed to do it all over again the next day. I also try to lay out clothes for her to wear to daycare because you've all seen how Robert dresses her.

I keep hoping I will get used to this routine and it will get easier.

The whole daycare thing has been especially hard on me, as you all know. Everytime I pick her up she's in the swing. I know they aren't giving Sofia the kind of attention I give to her when I'm with her. The kind she deserves. When I picked her up for the first time I cried. The magnitude of it all just hit me: Someone else has my child all week. Oh, sure, I get her at nights and on weekends, but it hardly feels like anything. I know one thing: I will cherish every moment I have with her. At least she gets to be home with her dad on Fridays. And he drops her off every morning. That would be especially hard for me.

On Thursday Robert was driving Sofia to daycare and was almost there when he realized he forgot her bottles at home and had to drive all the way back. He said he'd never make that mistake again. I'm glad he was able to have a few days with Sofia alone and that he's taking care of her every Friday. It makes me love him more knowing that he enjoys the time he has with her. And I love that he now knows he has to wake up before the baby if he wants to shower, brush his teeth, or make coffee before her 11 am nap. I did not enjoy coming home the other day to a poop diaper he forgot to close up and throw in the trash, but he's getting better.

On another note, I had an especially dreadful visit to my ob/gyn on Wednesday. She wanted to do my annual. I waited forever until she finally saw me. When she finally came in I had leaked milk all over the paper gown I had to wear. It wasn't pretty.
Then I didn't have money for the parking garage (I usually park off-street and use the meters, but the whole street was torn up with construction), which cost me 6 bucks for less than two hours! The only good news was that I lost three more pounds! So I have seven pounds to go to get to my weight at my first doc's visit of the pregnancy. I don't really know what my prepregnancy weight was, since it was around the holidays and I wasn't really weighing myself much then. I was busy eating.

I apologize for another mopey post. It's just how I feel all the time. I either feel sad or stressed or both. I swear, most days I feel like my brains are scrambled trying to remember all the things I have to do. I feel like my house will perpetually be a disaster. It seems like I just can't get ahead with the cleaning. It just keeps piling up because I'm too tired to do any of it. This motherhood thing is no joke. Did anyone see that ABC news thing the other day about motherhood making women smarter? That was kind of neat. I'd post a link to it if I could find it. Frankly, I feel like it's made me dumber, but I don't know...

I'm so happy I don't have to work tomorrow and that I can relax with Sofia all night and tomorrow...

This is how my daddy dresses me

2005-11-08T21:05:00.000-08:00

GUILT

2005-11-06T07:56:00.000-08:00

I started back at work on Thursday. It was sooooo hard leaving Sofia in the morning. I made sure her diaper bag was packed and had clothes out for Robert to dress her in in case they went out. I just wanted to kiss her and kiss her and kiss her. She was still sleeping when I left. Robert assured me he would take good care of her.

Then, of course, my first day back was a lot of nothing. I spent most of the day cleaning out my email inbox. The only worthwhile thing I felt like I did was pump breastmilk. This pumping thing, while not hard, will still be a challenge, especially with my days getting busier as time goes on. First, he mother's room is way across the building for me. Then it's a first come, first served type thing so sometimes it's occupied when I show up. And I either have to wait until that person is done (and if they just started it will be a good fifteen minutes) or trek back across the building and trek back for a few minutes. It sucks. Then the pumping is relatively easy, but the cleanup part sucks. The Medela pump in style has all these parts that need to be cleaned after you pump, and there is no sink in the mother's room, so I have to trek back to my part of the building, go to the break room and clean the parts as best I can, then go back to my desk to lay the parts out to dry. All this and still try and get through my day of meetings and regular work. The building that I work in is off-site the actual center where most of the employees reside, so I often have to drive to meetings anyway. This pumping three times a day will definitely be a challenge...I thought about buying extra parts to bring to work for pumping (so I wouldn't have to wash as many things), but that's just more shit I would have to lug around, and the pump and my purse is plenty!

The weird thing is, work actually feels like a vacation compared to taking care of Sofia. And I feel incredibly guilty about this. I spend all day reading email and reviewing stuff and working on projects, with the occasional bullshit session here and there. Sofia requires much more attention and time. I actually had energy to clean up some when I got home from work. But then all I wanted to do was hold my baby. So I have all these mixed feelings. Robert was great taking care of her, but how will I feel when we have to leave her with the daycare people? I feel so much guilt and sadness about this.

I bought more clothes and shoes yesterday. I'm still stuck buying bigger sizes which sucks. Even buying shoes is trickier. I have to buy a half size bigger than what I'm used to.

I'm also going a little crazy because, since I returned to work, I have been trying to nurse my baby as often as she wants because I don't want her to start rejecting me for the bottle, which she now gets three times a day with the exception of weekends. Well, the past few days she hasn't wanted to nurse much in the middle of the night (I had been nursing her lying on my side and half asleep when she would wake up), and my breasts are painful and feeling like they are about to burst in the morning. Is she just "sleeping throught the night" now or is there a problem? Also, even when she nurses in the evening she acts frustrated at the boob sometimes. All this just since I've gone back to work. It's a bit frustrating for me.

I really wish I could just be with her all the time. At least I have all day with her today...

Happenings

2005-10-30T22:14:00.000-08:00

Astros lost the World Series. The White Sox kicked ass the whole way through and were just a great team. The Astros went down fighting. Even though they were swept, they put up a good fight (I mean, 14 innings in game 3? Wow.).

I gave Sofia a bath all by myself tonight. This is huge. Sometimes I'm afraid she's going to slip through my soapy hands like a big fish, but we got through it together and she smells lovely.

I had lunch with a couple of friends from work the other day. It was nice. I felt nice and independent with the baby. It feels good to know that I can actually get her dressed, get the diaper bag ready, change her and feed her, and get myself ready all timed to make it to lunch in time. Multitasking has taken on a new meaning for me lately. Sofia slept the whole time and was a perfect angel.

Robert and I went shopping Saturday and spend a whopping six (yes, six) hours at the mall. I don't even like the mall yet we spent six hours there. I had to buy some new clothes for work because none of my clothes fit me anymore. My pants are all too tight on my hips because I'm still fat, and my shirts all seem tiny. I never thought I would have breasts too big for a shirt, but it's actually happened. Almost every shirt I tried on popped open at the chest button, but I managed to find some stuff. I bought pants too and shoes. Thank goodness I can get away with wearing jeans at work because I bought two pairs of those too. I never realized how much flab I would have after having a baby. It's really sad. Hmmm, I bought some new nursing bras too, and nursed Sofia in one of the dressing rooms at the maternity store. It was nice. A family event really, since Robert hung out with me and helped change her diaper. It wasn't nice that she pooped right after she nursed and we had to changer her again, but it was funny.

We chose a daycare for our baby! Of course, no daycare can be perfect, simply because I don't want to leave Sofia with anyone, but I at least feel comfortable with the one we chose. Our plan is to leave Sofia a couple of hours out of the day there a few days before we leave her for a full day. I hope my baby does okay.

And finally, I have been psyching myself out this past week for work. I can't believe I will be returning to work this week. I picked a midweek return on purpose. Hell, I'm going back on a Thursday. I can't handle a five-day work week right away. Robert will be taking a few days off when I start back to stay with Sofia so we can hold off on putting her in for her first full day of daycare until she is eleven weeks. I wish we could wait until she's even older than that, but we just can't. I keep telling myself everything will be alright. We've stopped by the daycare what seems like a million times. We're going back tomorrow to quiz the morning caregiver -- I mean, to drop off diapers and wipes for Sofia. I've also been pumping more to increase my frozen milk supply, and to get the hang of my pump again.

Here I go again, entering a new phase of motherhood...

From a car seat

2005-10-24T22:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Sofia

2005-10-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Sofia Wia,
Today you are two months old, and I just wanted to write you a letter to celebrate this momentous day. You have grown so much in these first two months of your life. You are no longer a tiny baby unaware of her surroundings. You are this lively chubby beautiful creature. You love to look at yourself in the mirror and I can't say I blame you. You smile and squeal and make beautiful baby gurgle noises more and more each day. This morning, in fact, you woke up in this extremely good mood and kept smiling and squealing for mommy and daddy. I held you up to look in the mirror while daddy hid behind me and played peek-a-boo with you. Your eyes followed him every time and you were all smiles.

You noticed your carseat toy for the first time today too. You grabbed at the little animals hanging and tried to put them in your mouth. We were so proud of you.

I love nursing you. I was really stressed out about nursing you until I realized you were at the 90th percentile for weight at seven weeks. Whew! After that, I chilled out and just tried my best to relax when you settled in to nurse. You are so beautiful when you're eating and you look up at me. I love it when I slightly tug to see if you're done because when you let go of the breast your lips are still pursed, and you look as though you're in a trance. Sometimes you still have milk dribbling down your face. I apologize for all the times milk sprays you in the face.

You are outgrowing a lot of your 0-3 month onesies. They're pretty tight on you, and daddy says you look like a little sausage in some of them. Your size 1 diapers are pretty tight on you too, and I think it may be time to step it up to a size 2.

You love your pacifier, although it doesn't always work in the evenings when your crying/fussiness is at an all-time high. But you do love it. In fact, sometimes you suck on it so hard that you get what your daddy and I have coined "Ronald McDonald mouth". You've recently discovered that your fingers are good to suck on too, and often have your thumb, index finger, or entire fist in your mouth.

You cry for long periods at night sometimes. Not every night, but some nights. The sound of the running water in the bathroom always calms you. Well, most of the time. We pulled out the big guns (the vacuum cleaner) the other night when nothing seemed to calm you. It worked like a charm. You stopped crying and just looked around you. When you cry, big giant tears roll down your face and you look as though your heart is breaking. You definitely sound like a little girl when you cry and your cries are very dramatic. Your dad and I laugh at how you cry a high pitched cry if you get disconnected from my breast when you're nursing.

You enjoy taking baths and are quiet when we bathe you. Mommy is scared to bathe you by herself so you always are bathed by both mommy and daddy. And when you are done you smell like the fresh, beautiful baby you are. When your head is dirty daddy says you smell like a wild animal, so we try to bathe you a few times a week.

Your eyes are the biggest and most beautiful I've ever seen.

Daddy is lying next to you in our bed. He was singing "Old McDonald" and "This Old Man" for the longest time, and you've finally quieted down and seem to be falling asleep. You enjoy sleeping in bed between us way more than sleeping in your pack and play. You still don't sleep through the night, but I don't really mind as much as I used to. You only eat for small periods of time during the night. More like a snack, I guess. And then you go straight back to sleep.

Since you were born there have been all kinds of happenings in the world. Here are a few: This hurricane season has been the most active on record. Hurricane Katrina struck and devastated the gulf coast just a few days after you were born. Hurricane Rita also hit the gulf coast, but not where we live like it was predicted to. We evacuated like we were told to and took you with us to San Antonio to stay with Grandma and Grandpa. You did fine on our 17-hour drive. Supreme Court justice William Rehnquist died and was replaced by John Roberts. I'm sorry to say Bush is still president. And the Houston Astros made it to the World Series for the first time in history (although they're down 0-2 in the series so far).

That about does it, my love. Sofia, you are the most beautiful thing in this entire world. You are my world, and your daddy and I love you more than you'll ever know.

Love,
Mom

A Moment to Write

2005-10-23T21:56:00.000-07:00

We went to San Antonio for a baby shower and my dad's birthday this weekend. I also wanted to show off my beautiful child. She was quite the hit at the baby shower. Everyone wanted to hold her, which allowed me to drink some beer and relax. We had lots of fun, but now I'm exhausted, and I should probably be in bed because I put Sofia to sleep about an hour ago. Robert's not home yet either and I know I'll wake up when he gets home, but I burned all this time unpacking our stuff (it's amazing how much more we pack with a baby) and watching Game 2 of the World Series (Astros lost again - Sucks!) this is the only time I have to write.

Sofia enjoyed spending time with her grandparents. She already smiles more for the men in her life than for the women. She smiles a lot for her daddy and her grandpa. Her other grandpa is coming to visit next weekend, so we'll see if she's all smiles.

She's asleep and making those cute little baby sighs.

I was reading Beth's blog a little earlier and the last paragraph of her letter to her daughter struck me. I wonder if all new moms feel this way. I know I did, and it's never something moms want to admit either. I think this is why I felt so crazy at first and stressed out (well, that and my hormones). I felt like something was wrong with me. I didn't feel that amazing intense feeling right away, but it's amazing how much your love grows and grows with each minute you spend with your baby. I love my Sofia more than anything in my life and I don't think I could live without her.

Tired Mommy and Clean Baby

2005-10-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

After Sofia's bath the other night...

Go Astros!

2005-10-19T22:27:00.000-07:00

It is so awesome that the Astros won the NLCS pennant! I hope they win their first ever World Series.

My time is running out

2005-10-18T09:28:00.000-07:00

I was right. Robert got home from work and Sofia Wia woke up and cried and cried. Sometimes I take her into the bathroom and the sound of the running water from the faucet calms her down. That's what we did last night. Well, that and feed and change her. She is asleep now and I have managed to eat some cereal, brush my teeth and put my contacts in. I'd say I'm ahead of the game. I was checking my email earlier when I heard her stirring and I had an uncontrollable urge to jump back in bed and kiss and kiss her and hug her. Which is exactly what I did.

It seems all these bloggers are quitting their jobs to stay home with their little ones. I'm jealous. Does going back to work make me a bad mom? I would love to be able to stay home with Sofia at least for several more months, but our financial situation just doesn't allow it. And it's not like we live lavishly and require my paycheck to keep up some crazy expensive lifestyle. I mean, we need my paycheck to pay regular ol' bills like rent and student loans. Which sucks. I have a bigger salary than Robert, so I keep telling him (only half in jest) to quit his job and take care of Sofia. I don't want to leave her in daycare. She is so tiny. Will the daycare caregivers rock and sing to my baby? Will they pick her up when she cries? If my parents lived in Houston, I'd ask them to watch her a few days a week, but they're a couple hundred miles away. I'm not ready to leave my baby, and my leave is quickly disappearing.

Speaking of daycare, Robert and I visited one on Friday (our second visit)to pick up a registration packet and take another look around. We are trying to narrow down our choices. I was completely turned off when I saw one of the caregivers in the infant room feeding a nine-week-old infant propped up on a boppy. She wasn't even holding the baby. It made me sad. I don't want to have to leave Sofia with people who won't even hold her when they feed her. Needless to say, we won't be leaving Sofia at that particular daycare (for other reasons too), but wherever we leave her, no one can love her like I do.

In other news Sofia had a checkup at 7 weeks. She got four shots for her immunizations. Two in each chubby leg. Poor baby screamed her head off. She weighed in at 12 lbs 1 oz. I can't believe how fast she is growing!

We had visitors this weekend. Roberts's sister flew in with our niece from Maryland, and his mom drove in from San Antonio to see everyone. Our niece is about ten months old and very adorable. Adorable, but bratty. She kept taking Sofia's pacifier right out of her mouth and chewing on it! And no one took it away or told her "no". In fact her mom laughed and seemed to think all ten times she did it were cute. It was funny the first time she did it, but jeez. Anyway, we had a good visit and it was nice seeing the cousins together. We ate Mexican food all weekend because Robert's sister claims there is no good Mexican food in the DC area. Good times.

Okay, okay

2005-10-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

I'm alive. I just feel like there isn't enough time in a day to blog. There is hardly enough time to eat a meal here and there or throw clothes in the washer while juggling a baby. I can't believe how much time is eaten up just by entertaining an almost eight-week-old baby. There are days when I feel I can get more done because she'll take longer naps, then there are days where she fusses all day long and I spend nearly all day singing and rocking and walking around with her. When she finally falls asleep, I put her down in her crib only to have to start the process all over again because she wakes up very upset at my nerve of expecting her to nap in her crib. I guess I should know better. She enjoys napping in my arms much much more than in her crib. Today she seemed to fuss all afternoon, then she slept for about an hour and chilled out during the Astros game, which is really all that mattered.

I'm upset that the Astros failed to put the NLCS series to bed tonight. Oh well, hopefully they can still make it to the World Series.

Sofia is asleep now in her pack and play. She is getting better about going to sleep at a reasonable hour instead of staying up until 2 or 3 am. Lately she's been going to sleep around 11 or 11:30 pm, then waking up between 3 and 4 am, then again around 6 or 7 am. At every waking she gets a feeding and a diaper change. Robert's on his way home from work, and I probably won't be able to get much more written than this...

My girl

2005-10-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

I felt it my duty to report that at seven weeks, Sofia weighs 12 pounds one ounce! All the ladies at the pediatrician's office oohed and aahhed over her yesterday. Her doctor couldn't believe how much weight she gained! I guess I can stop worrying about whether she's eating enough.

Better

2005-10-09T22:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, I guess I've stopped moping around (for the most part). We got a lot of cleaning done on the house this weekend, so I'm happy about that. Robert took the hurricane things off most of the windows so there is actual natural light coming into the house.

I went to that La Leche League meeting Friday, and it was nice. Nothing earth shattering, but okay. One of the leaders tried to help me with my latch a bit, but I'm not sure it did much. I think the most valuable piece of information one of the leaders gave me was that breastfeeding gets easier past six weeks. God, I hope so. Some days I think I have it down cold, and some days I'm so frustrated I want to cry. Robert thinks I'm crazy, and doesn't understand my frustration. I think all the fuss I'm making is more about me. Sofia seems to be gaining weight, and even though my nipples aren't bleeding I still feel like I'm not doing it right. Whatever. Sofia's doctor's appointment is this week, so we'll see what the scale and the doctor says.

I ended up leaving Sofia with Robert on the day of my six week check-up. He stayed home to recover and preferred that I leave her with him. It was rough being away from her for just a few hours. I can't imagine how I'll feel when I have to leave her with strangers for the entire day at daycare. My doc said that I'm healing nicely and everything looks good. I lost four more pounds since my last visit. So that leaves me ten more to lose. I have a feeling that I stopped losing and started gaining, but I guess we'll never know because I have no desire to weigh myself between doctor's visits.

So no, I haven't exercised, but I'm trying to replace the cookies with veggies and stuff. My maternity pants are too big for me, but my regular ones don't quite fit either. I have one pair of jeans that fits me that I bought at only a few weeks pregnant (so they're not quite pre-pregnancy jeans), and I have been wearing those babies all the time. I actually painted my toenails for the first time in about a month and half. I know. Gross. But they haven't exactly been a priority for me. Anyway, I guess things are coming along. I'm working on stuff slowly but surely. In between Sofia's crying jags and trying to entertain her, it's tough.

She is absolutely adorable. I can't believe how much she seems to grow everyday. She makes these cute little squealing noises and has started giving real smiles. Although I must say I wish she would smile more. In time. It hurts knowing that I'll have to leave her for work in just a few short weeks. It really hurts.

Moping Around

2005-10-04T14:35:00.000-07:00

Today is just a blah day. Sofia has been sleeping nearly all day. She wakes briefly when I change her diaper and feed her, but falls asleep during her feedings. I'm starting to worry. I also feel guilty beause all I could think this morning was for Sofia to please go back to sleep. And she did. Hopefully she's okay, getting enough to eat, and won't keep us up all night. Most days I'm happy when she sleeps, but today I can still hardly get anything done because I'm obssessed with her.

Breastfeeding is still tough. I keep thinking it's going to get easier, and sometimes it feels like it is, but then I hit a rough spot. Sofia latches on pretty well on my right boob, but my left is apparently not up to her standards. She has a hard time latching onto that one. I have been waiting for a La Leche meeting, and there is finally one on Friday in my area, so maybe I can get some help there. Hopefully I won't get my hopes too high and then come away with no valuable advice. Right now I just feel like I'll never feel confident about it. I'm still always scared that she's not getting enough to eat. She is starting to get a little chub on her legs and has filled out some, but I still can't stop worrying.

My house is still a mess although at least I started on my million loads of laundry. I have a big zit between my mouth and nose, which is depressing me. I have not exercised since that one time last month and I continue to eat like shit. I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, and I'm a little terrified about taking Sofia all on my own, but I know it has to be done. Even if Robert stays home from work tomorrow because he's sick, I will not force him to come with me. I guess I will have to take my tank of a stroller with me, which sucks.

I talked to my mom today. She and my dad miss Sofia terribly. I miss them.

Home at Last

2005-10-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

We finally got home yesterday. Robert flew into San Antonio Friday and we did, in fact, make our way over to the Austin area to visit a little more family on Saturday, then drove back to our place yesterday (Sunday). It was fun visiting, but I'm glad to be home, even though our house was bathed in perpetual darkness because Robert failed to take off the hurricane metal shutter thingies from the windows. He took some off today, but most of the house is still dark and depressing. Also, because of our mad dash out of here, the place is a big, fat mess. I have tons of laundry to do, and just general cleaning. Robert is sick (but at work anyway) and doesn't feel up to doing anything. Sofia has taken to crying for long periods of time. She did it Satuday night for the first time. She fussed and fussed and cried and cried and I kept trying to give her the boob, which usually quiets her down. It did for about a minute before she started crying again. Eventually her crying gave way to shrieking crying, which really scared me. She had been up for a few hours, and Robert and I were getting worried and frustrated. Finally she burped this loud burp and fell straight to sleep. Poor thing, I guess we're not very good burpers. She's been pretty fussy today too. I hope it's not a new thing for her. It's rough holding and rocking a crying baby in vain.

On Saturday I found myself stuck inside bored out of my mind with Robert's mom and aunt, while he hung outside with his cousins and uncle drinking and having a good time. I couldn't help but think to myself, "is this my destiny? To be stuck indoors with moms and aunts and other girls watching crappy movies like The Wedding Date because I'm a mom?" I couldn't just leave Sofia there and go have a good time, but apparently husbands/dads can do that sort of thing. Perhaps I wouldn't have minded leaving Sofia if it was my mom, but I felt weird asking Robert's mom if she could watch Sofia while I went and drank a beer and talked about interesting things. Finally Robert asked his mom to watch Sofia so I could go drink a beer and hang out a bit. It was nice to relax, but I kept listening for the baby and never fully relaxed. Robert managed to get drunk, which was really annoying. Especially when I needed his help to put Sofia to sleep. Another thing that I find continually annoying is when people try to pass off the baby as soon as she starts crying. And it is absolutely the worst when they tack on, "I think she's hungry" or "Do you think she's hungry?". This makes me feel like ripping their heads off. Like it's my problem she's crying. Fucking people. I get that a lot from Robert, and his mom pulled that crap too.

Family Time

2005-09-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

Well, it appears Rita wreaked havoc elsewhere. Our area was spared. Unfortunately, someone had to get the worst of it, and it looks like Beaumont and the Lake Charles area got it. New Orleans came away in bad (worse) shape too. Robert has reported to me that there was no damage to our home. I don't even think we ever lost power.

Although our journey out of town was a horrible experience, we made it to San Antonio and the time we spent here has been great. I'm still here with Sofia, but Robert went back for work. It's actually nice that my dad got to see his new granddaughter. I didn't think that would happen until Thanksgiving or Christmas. He is very taken with Sofia. He can hold her for hours and marvels over her perfect little hands and feet and lips and ears. He loves her big eyes. Of course, I think she's beautiful too. She has had many visitors in my parents' house. All of her cousins have come to see her. I didn't really want her making her grand entrance into the world until she was six weeks old, but oh well. We had to work with what we were given. I didn't like all the kids trying to paw at her, but I made sure they all washed their hands and understood that I meant business.

We even went out to dinner with one of my sisters and some friends while we were here. My mom was more than happy to take care of Sofia and kept her happy with bottles of breastmilk while we were gone. I had a margarita at dinner and I swear she slept for what seemed like forever after I breastfed her later. Was it the drink?

I decided to stay a few more days. Robert will come back on Friday to get me and Sofia (he took he cats back with him), and we may trek over to the Austin area to visit more family and show off Sofia at that time. We just haven't decided.

Exodus

2005-09-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

We left Texas City around 5 pm Wednesday afternoon after a long day of stressing out, packing, putting hurricane covers on the windows, and just trying to get the house ready for the worst. I wanted to leave a lot earlier, but it just didn't happen that way. By the time they announced that Rita was up to a Cat 5 status, we were worried that our house wouldn't be there when we got back so we kicked into overdrive and started packing everything but the kitchen sink into our two vehicles. We stacked furniture in hopes to save what little we could in the event of flooding. We took our CDs and DVDs. We took our bikes. We took one kayak. Both cars were loaded to the maximum. Then we got the kitties into their carriers, Sofia into her carseat and made our way out of the city. Easier said than done. The drive to San Antonio from home was one of the most horrible experiences ever.

We took highway 6 around Houston instead of going straight through the city. We decided to take highway 90 to San Antonio instead of I-10 West. Just getting to highway 90 took us about 10 hours. The traffic was bumper-to-bumper and absolutely unreal. We had gassed up both cars Tuesday night so we started with full tanks of gas. Robert had Sofia and Whiskers in the jeep. I had Trouble and Buxy in the car. We had walkie talkies to talk to each other the whole way. Cell phones just weren't cutting it. Most calls weren't going through due to the flood of activity. The whole scene was surreal. People had horses in trailers, people were pulling their boats, motorcycles, trailers, everything.

The drive was long and painful. For a while I thought we were going to have to leave the jeep behind because it was seriously acting up and the check engine light came on and stayed on. I freaked out because I didn't know how we'd fit our stuff into our tiny car. I didn't want to leave the jeep and all the stuff in it on the side of the road. At first we drove like troopers and did our best to keep our spirits up. We stopped to feed the Sofia and change her diapers every few hours. We stopped to grab something to eat. But as time went on I started to freak out. The cats hadn't eaten and had no place to go to the bathroom. We were barely out of Houston and Robert was nearing half a tank of gas. EVERY SINGLE GAS STATION WAS OUT OF GAS. I thought we would run out of gas and be stuck on the side of the road. The check engine light came on in the car I was driving. I began thinking about how our house may not be there when we got back if Rita hit close. I called my brother-in-law on Robert's suggestion, who said he would bring us gas to get us to San Antonio if we needed him to.

I had called my parents several times to let them know what was going on and where we were. By 2:30 am I was near tears. Okay, I was in tears. We had tried to get gas several times with no luck. We debated cutting across to drive on I-10, not knowing which way would be faster or safer if we ran out of gas. I was terrified of running out of gas with the cats and the baby in the cars. Finally we ended up on a road between 10 and 90 and into a town called Fulshear, where we tried again, unsuccessfully, to get gas. There were people all over the gas station just waiting for the gas trucks to come (it was like this at most of the gas stations we stopped at). Robert calmed me down, bought some food for us to eat, coffee to stay awake, got cat food and fed the cats. I fed the baby once again and changed her diaper. I realized that EVERYONE was going through the same thing. We made the decision to keep driving as far as we could and that we would take 90 instead of I-10. We wanted to try and at least make it to Gonzales , TX on the gas we had and if we ran out, well...then we would ask my family to bring us gas. This was around 3:30 am.

After driving a couple of more hours, we happened upon a Conoco gas station with super long lines. It actually had gas! We waited, filled up (but even that was an ordeal because our bank card wasn't working. Luckily we have more than one bank account), and made our way out of there! After that, things went pretty smoothly. The cats seemed a little better. Sofia was doing well. She was just all sweaty from being in her car seat. We were in Shiner, TX by 6:30 am, and in San Antonio by 10 am. I had never been so happy to see the city limits sign for San Antonio.

All in all, it took us about 17 hours to get from Texas City to San Antonio. I fed Sofia in gas station parking lots, and in a Denny's. Trouble peed in her cat carrier. Sofia was oblivious to it all (thank God). Buxy and all the cats were traumatized. I am thankful we left when we did and made it all the way to San Antonio. I'm happy we had somewhere to go. I'm happy our Sofia is safe. I'm happy the cats are okay. I hope our house is there when we get back and that our belongings are okay. Hell, I hope the storm hits somewhere else. But if it does hit our area, and our stuff is destroyed, I'm still happy that we're all okay. I hope wherever Rita hits, that the damage is minimal and lives are spared.

Hurricanes suck

2005-09-20T23:06:00.000-07:00

Galveston county has issued a mandatory evacuation for Hurricane Rita effective tomorrow (or today -- since it's after midnight), so we're taking our baby and our cats and getting the hell out of dodge. Being in Texas City now, we're in the flood zone. So right now, Robert and I are going crazy trying to pack all of our shit so we can get to San Antonio tomorrow. I'm hoping for the best. I don't want to have to think about damage to our stuff or our home.

Randomness

2005-09-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

So my brother flaked out on me. But I can't say I'm upset because he couldn't come because all of his kids are sick. One's got allergies, one is getting over a stomach virus, and his littles one has been running a fever. Yeah, I thought it best that they stay away too. I don't want my baby getting sick. I think I'm about to become kind of freakish about germs now that we have Sofia, which is a new thing for me. I even added Clorox wipes to my grocery list. It's the commercial with the lady using the chicken hind quarter as a sponge that did it. Gross.

We finally got to take that walk yesterday. It was nice. We walked all around the neighborhood, although we had to wait until 6:30 pm to do it. The heat is way too unbearable anytime before that. I guess it doesn't help that this subdivision is so new that there are no big trees anywhere (gosh, I miss living in the middle of Houston). When is anything vaguely resembling autumn going to appear here in southeast Texas? Anyway, we used the travel system car seat/stroller combo that my mother-in-law got us. It's one of those Graco coach rider ones. She got it second hand, but it's in good condition. The only thing is, well, the thing is giant! Seriously, I felt like I was rolling a tank around. I'm not sure that thing is going to fly when we have real outings. I do not want to wheel that giant stroller around. I think we'd be better off using the Baby Bjorn, which we just got as a gift a couple of weeks ago courtesy of more family. Speaking of gifts, I still can't believe how many gifts we got for the baby. A bunch of guys from work even went in on the glider/ottoman combo that I registered for. I thought that was really cool.

But back to the subject of outings...I can't wait until we can actually have outings with the baby. I'll actually start to feel normal again. First on my outings agenda is going to the Angelika theater for the Cry Baby Matinee to see a movie. Although before we do that as a family, I may still try to catch a La Leche League meeting on my own with Sofia.

Oh, I managed about twenty minutes on the treadmill today. Of which I was very proud. I did it before Robert went to work so he could pick up Sofia in case she woke up and had a screaming fit, but I may be brave and try it during the day tomorrow. You know, with her in her bouncy seat right where I can watch her. I figure I should start at least walking. I've been eating like I'm still pregnant, and although I know I'm burning more calories because of this breastfeeding thing, I also know I can't stay ahead of the game by eating Doritos and cookies all the time. And the extra flab that just won't go away is really starting to bother me. It would be nice if I could fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans sometime before the year is over.

My little angel, who has been sleeping for a couple of hours, is now making little grunting about-to-wake-up noises. I was hoping she'd sleep until Robert got home from work. That way he can change her diaper...darn.

Visitors

2005-09-16T17:13:00.000-07:00

We have more visitors coming tomorrow. Gosh, we've had a busy week! My mother-in-law came to visit last weekend, which was nice. My best friend from high school came to visit me on Wednesday and left yesterday. That was awesome. I had so much fun just hanging out with her! She had a son two years ago and is a great mom. It was just really cool having her here. She left her man and her little boy in San Antonio and missed them but we had a great time. I had forgotten how much I missed her. It's nice having moms around who can answer questions about these first weeks and just motherhood in general. She brought me What to Expect the First Year, which I've been reading nonstop already. I can't wait until she visits again. Tomorrow my brother's coming to visit me. And he's bringing the whole familia. His familia, that is. His wife and his three sons! Whew. They are adorable. His oldest is 9 and his youngest is 8 months, so I know this visit will be interesting. They're only coming for one night, so if it's a little overwhelming, that's okay.

Today was nice, just Robert, me and Sofia. I wanted to get outside to take our first walk together, but it rained and rained all day. Heavy rain with thunder and lightning. Oh well, maybe tomorrow. We did give our baby a bath. And even though her umbilical stump is gone completely (I have no idea where to keep this stump either that the pediatrician gave us by the way -- it's still wrapped in a tissue in my purse) -- we have yet to give her a full bath. You know,immersing her in water and all. So we're still doing the sponge baths. She really loves getting her hair washed and GOD does she look cute!

All in all, things are good. I think Sofia had another growth spurt earlier in the week because for two to three days she couldn't get enough to eat. She was almost - quite literally - attached to my boob every five minutes. This is okay with me because I want her to grow big and strong, but truth be told...I could do without waking up to change her, feed her, burp her, change her again, and rock her back to sleep once or twice or night. But she's worth it.

Oh yeah, I am so pissed that I missed Survivor last night. Sucks.

Cuteness

2005-09-11T12:08:00.000-07:00

Update

2005-09-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

Robert went back to work yesterday, leaving Sofia and me to fend for ourselves. We do okay. I am happy to say that my hormones no longer feel like they're raging. I always thought the baby blues were a bunch of B.S.. Nope, they are the real deal! I can't believe how freaked out I was just a few days ago. I felt like I was getting anxiety attacks. The self-doubt and magnitude of everything kept hitting me, and I just felt like I couldn't deal with it. Even yesterday after a successful doctor's visit on Wednesday, I started slightly freaking out because Sofia wasn't latching on and was only breastfeeding for ten minutes at a time. But she kept having good diapers through today, and I read that if your infant starts nursing for smaller amounts of time, it may be because he/she has learned to get the milk more efficiently. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding has proven to be one of my best buys. It really has a ton of good information, including all the reasons why breastmilk is so great. It makes you feel really good about breastfeeding. Today, my wee Sofie been eating pretty regularly, and I was in good spirits. Overall, yesterday and today went very well. I'm starting to feel like a real, live mom.

One of my friends from work came to visit me today. He's such a sweetie. He brought me all kinds of goodies like a huge bottle of Dreft, and diapers and wipes and US Weekly to read, and some candy.

We let the cats back in our room about a week ago because not only was Buxy scratching and crying at the door, he was ripping the carpet by the door. So we caved and let him in. He's been very good too. He's very respectful of the baby. He doesn't like it when she cries though. His ears go back. Trouble comes around too to lounge on our bed. She is very curious about the baby but is scared too. She got real close the other day and licked Sofia's hair. Robert and I had a good laugh about that. Whiskers has kept her distance and has been sleeping on the futon in one of the other bedrooms.

I'm looking forward to my mother-in-law's visit tomorrow. She'll be all about holding Sofia and oohing and ahing. This is all fine by me. I love it when people make a big deal over my baby because I think she's beautiful and perfect too!

Two Weeks

2005-09-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

Sofia Elisa is two weeks old today! She had her two-week checkup and I am happy to report that she gained over a pound since last Wednesday! Her pediatrician was very impressed and God, I was so happy. I have been convinced that I am somehow messing up this breastfeeding thing, but she has apparently been getting plenty to eat so I can breathe a sigh of relief. Whew! Her doc said she looks good. Her crusty stump was removed by her doc (it was hanging by a thread) and we can now give her full baths, but have to keep treating it with alcohol. Uh-oh, how the hell do we do that? I guess we can give it a try. Robert's mom is coming to visit on Saturday to see her new grandchild. She can steer us in the right direction. Unfortunately she'll only stay for the night and has to head back home Sunday.

I also had my two week checkup today, and I am happy to report that I have lost 25 pounds. Of course, I gained 39 during the pregnancy so that still leaves me 14 pounds to lose. My doc said I can start walking but no high impact stuff like jogging for six weeks (as if). I told my doc about the baby blues and he said it's normal. Of course, I can't express how much better I felt today after learning that Sofia gained weight. I just feel like I'm doing something right and it feels really good. Also, Robert works nights his first two days back so he'll be here with me in the morning. I may get through this yet.

Sofia's doc said not to worry about waking her for feedings. She said she'll wake up when she's hungry. This also had me sighing in relief. I was so concerned about waking her for feedings that I was losing so much sleep. Last night I was up from 2 am to 7 am trying to feed her. She kept only eating for about three to five minutes at a time and then she was tough to get back to sleep. I finally gave up at 7 am. Then at 8 am, Robert woke me to inform me that she was hungry. I thought I'd go crazy.

Anyway, things are looking up. :)

Dad and Baby

2005-09-06T17:22:00.000-07:00

This one is from the hospital. I had to post it because it is so beautiful!

Baby Blues

2005-09-06T16:58:00.000-07:00

Robert's taking a nap with Sofia. I just woke up. I'm trying to hurry up and get something down here because she will be waking up soon and "babyzilla" will be at it again with the screaming for the boob. She's been asleep for over two hours.

Tomorrow is her two-week checkup, so we'll see if she's gained weight. I'm terribly paranoid about this. I hope she has. At her one week checkup she was 0.04 ounces below her discharge weight. The doc said this was okay, and as long as she kept eating she should be fine and gain weight accordingly. Sofia has since been eating from the breast and actually latching on, so I hope she has gained.

I have been having some vicious hormonal mood swings. All I can say is the baby blues have attacked me something fierce. I never thought they would. In fact, I naively thought all this baby stuff would be a lot of puppy dogs and rainbows, but boy was I wrong! Robert goes back to work on Thursday, and I'm terrified. One of my friends from work came to visit for lunch today and stayed for a while, which was nice. I'm just worried about being lonely, and I feel really guilty for worrying so much about myself when Sofia needs me 100%. I'm scared of having to carry her and change her diaper, feed her, rock her, etc all by myself. I'm worried about driving with her in the car all by myself. I worry about how I'm going to do it when I go back to work and how hard it will be to leave her. I wonder how I will manage to leave work on my lunch break to breastfeed her and how trying it will be to pump several times a day. I know I'm just a big baby, but it's true. I also know that it will get easier with practice and who knows, I may be a good mom just yet.

Then I'm perpetually worried that I'm not breastfeeding her correctly, which is stupid because she is peeing and pooping like she gets plenty. I worry about switching her enough at the boobs so that my milk supply is even. I worry about the day I will have to breastfeed her in public, which may just be tomorrow since, not only do we have her two week checkup, but mine as well. So she'll be out of the house for quite some time. Thank God, Robert will be with me. I'm actually thinking about going to a La Leche League meeting to see if they can put some of my fears to rest. But I know it's too soon to take her places. Does that count?

I hope I can overcome all this stuff, because I want to be the best mom there is for my baby. I love her with all my heart.

Breastfeeding ain't no Joke!

2005-09-03T12:29:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how hard this breastfeeding thing is! The good news is that Sofia has decided to start latching on. Bad news is that my nipples are sore now again because of it (but not as sore as those first few days) and she wants to eat 24/7. Last night she ate starting at 11:30 pm straight until 2 pm today. With maybe an hour of sleep somewhere in between. Sometimes I feel like I must not be making enough milk! Also, I know they say to start with one breast and when the baby finishes then burp and offer the other breast. At 4:30 in the morning I have no idea which breast I gave her last and I'm offering her anything she'll take. I hope I can make it after my mom is gone and Robert goes back to work. With her attached to the boob, I'm not sure how I'll pee or eat or do anything else. I spend a lot of the day stressed out, and I really just want to enjoy her. Also, people from work want to come visit and I am nowhere near ready for that because I'm just not that comfortable with whipping out my boob in front of people from work visiting. And I don't want her crying the whole time. Will I ever feel sane again?

I felt so guilty last night/this morning because I so desperately wanted to sleep that I found myself shoving the pacifier in her mouth. She would take it for a few minutes before she realized it wasn't the boob. I tried breastfeeding on my side and that worked for a while, but nothing works for an extended period of time. I hope I'm doing this right. I wish I could get a break so I could pump some milk to have on hand for her, but I just tried right now (she's asleep -- my mom is holding her) and nothing is coming out! Maybe my boobs are dry...

Katrina

2005-09-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe how much damage Hurricane Katrina has caused. It's sad and I hope these people can get back their lives after all is said and done. My prayers are with them.

Breastfeeding Woes

2005-08-29T23:02:00.000-07:00

I have been so frustrated these past two days as Sofia has not been latching on to breastfeed. I put her up to the boob, then she shakes her head and screams at the top of her lungs. When she does put the nipple in her mouth, she sits there lazily moving her mouth but not really sucking or she falls asleep. Also she's been sleeping waaaaay more than what seems normal. She'll sleep five to seven hour stretches. No joke. I am worried about her.

Tonight after my millionth attempt to breastfeed her, Robert and I were so frustrated that she wasn't eating. Finally we decided to pump some of my overabundant milk supply and try to feed it to her with a bottle. That did the trick. I felt this immense guilt at giving in to a bottle, but at least my baby ate. And she was famished. I feel like a horrible mother. I feel like I was starving her. I used Avent bottles. Thank God for all the shower gifts! Hopefully she's not ruined for breastfeeding. I really want to be able to breastfeed.

Oh, the trials and tribulations of a wannabe breastfeeder. Why is it so hard?

Man, I hope Kelly and the family is okay after Katrina. I can't imagine having to deal with evacuating with a new baby and all the pets. Scary.

Mi'ja

2005-08-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

Sofia Elisa arrived August 24th, at 7:06 pm Wednesday evening after about 16 hours of labor! She is absolutely beautiful, with a full head of hair! She weighed 7 lbs, 11.4 oz. Robert and I were in the hospital until Friday around noon when they discharged me. I had a good labor, no complications. Just painful. More details on the whole hospital experience later. My Sofia is healthy and I couldn't ask for more.

My mom, my sister, and my brother-in-law are visiting for the weekend (my mom is staying for the week too) and have helped out with dishes and such while Robert and I adjust to this new beautful little daughter. Our cats have been put out of the bedroom for an undetermined amount of time and my Buxy seems to have taken this very personally. He scratches and cries at the bedroom door all night. I'm just not comfortable having a 17 lb cat around my almost 8 pound baby. Also with guests in the house, we're keeping our bedroom door closed and if we let the cats in the room they wouldn't have access to their litter boxes. Whiskers has been sleeping with my mom in the living room, and Trouble has just been hanging out like she always does.

Sofia spends most of her time sleeping, eating and dirtying diapers. Robert and I catch sleep when we can. Unfortunately she seems confused about night and day and sleeps more soundly during the day. She likes to spend her nights crying and refusing to go to sleep. I've already been in tears with the breastfeeding. In addition to the sore, cracked nipples that were originally my cause for tears I'm now afraid that we've given her a case of nipple confusion by using the pacifier. After reading more about it, I'm hoping we can correct this. My milk came in yesterday and is quite painful. She is acting frustrated when I put her to the boob and only eats 12 - 15 min total off both breasts. This is usually after trying for an hour. She gets to the boob, latches on, then shakes her head and screams at the top of her lungs.

Robert has been an amazing husband and dad through everything. He was amazing during the labor and by my side every minute. He has been incredible with the baby and I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband. Sofia is the luckiest little girl in the world to have him as a dad.

More details to come later. Right now I'm going to try to catch some sleep while she's asleep. My sister is bringing me breakfast from IHOP.

Is this it?

2005-08-24T05:58:00.000-07:00

Been having contractions since about 3:30 am this morning, and they haven't stopped. They're kind of irregular, so I'm not sure what to make of that. I know they're painful. That's for damn sure. I have a doctor's appointment at 9:45 am today, so we'll see what the doc says. I did notice more mucous this morning. Bloody stuff. Gross. Robert's all ready with everything in the car. Man, am I scared...

'Bye 'bye Plug

2005-08-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

I lost my mucous plug today. Well, at least part of it. There I was at work going to the bathroom to pee every ten minutes or so. One of those trips yielded a surprise while I was wiping. I was like, "ewww, what's that?". And it was all mucousy, and I knew: That was my mucous plug. No, it wasn't bloody or anything. It was just clear. I called Robert right away to deliver my news and he was very excited. I guess labor's closer when the plug is pink or brown or something. Anyway, I was very excited about this new development. I also had some severe lower back pain today. That wasn't very exciting, but there it was.

Last night Robert took it upon himself to pack my hospital bag. I was really tired when he came home last night and ready to go to bed so I did. He, on the other hand, stayed up hours gathering all my stuff for the hospital and packing it in a small suitcase along with some stuff of his. I was very impressed because I checked it this morning, and he did a really good job! He even packed our new diaper bag with stuff for the baby. I was very moved. He packed diapers and diaper stuff, a variety of outfits from which to choose for her journey home, and some other goodies. I love him so much.

I still want to get some music together so we'll have something nice to listen to at the hospital. Not sure if I'll burn a CD or just take several. We also have yet to master the workings of our car seat. A very giant detail.

Happy Anniversary to Me

2005-08-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

Today is my sixth wedding anniversary. And my husband is at work. That kind of sucks. Although if he were home I think we would probably spend the day watching TV and Six Feet Under season two DVDs. We didn't have any plans. Oh sure, we'll probably go out somewhere nice to eat this week to celebrate, but we've never been really big on celebrations. Still, I always feel happy knowing we've reached another milestone. I still love him more than ever. He really is a great husband.

Yesterday my mother-in-law came to visit. Robert cleaned a good amount on Friday, so the house didn't look too bad. I'm really happy she came. She helped us whip the baby's room into something pretty and organized. Where before it was just a big storage closet full of gift bags. I didn't realize just how much stuff we have for our baby until we started opening stuff and washing it and organizing it. Our little Sofia, who's not even here yet, has more clothes than her mommy and daddy combined! We finally put the pack n play up in our room too. We even did some shopping this weekend and bought a diaper bag and the baby bathtub we didn't have yet. We hardly spent any money either because we had all these great gift cards! It feels good to have everything ready finally. Oh sure, there's always stuff that needs to get done, but for the first time I feel like the house is almost worthy of her. Robert helped out a lot organizing all her stuff this weekend. He's very sweet. I know his mom was very proud. Baby even got a couple of new gifts from her grandma's friends, which is really cool because we don't even know her friends.

My mother-in-law left early this morning, so we had a really short visit. But it was nice. She got to see where we live now and see the baby room and help out. I know it made her happy. And it made me happy too.

Looking at all the new babies online is amazing. I hope my little one comes soon. I'm really anxious for her arrival. I know it won't feel real until she's actually in my arms.

Please Advise

2005-08-19T20:45:00.000-07:00

Oh, how the hell do I keep spammish comments off this blog? Does anyone know? Anyone?

Gestational Diabetes?

2005-08-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd give a little recap of my yesterday...See, yesterday I had to go to that diabetes education class that my doc sent me to because I had a high blood sugar reading at my last appointment. Well, once again, I was having a shitty day at work. I was running around frazzled trying to pull a presentation together that I ended up not even having to do, and I had to leave early just to go to this stupid class that is only offered once a week on Thursdays from 2 - 4 pm! I ended up being late of course, because I had yank myself away from work and drive across town to get to the hospital to take the class. Then I couldn't find off-street parking so I had to park in the garage and pay a whopping eight bucks for two and half hours. Thieves.

So I walk down into the dungeon of the hospital where the "learning resource center" is located and into a class of a bunch of pregnant women. The instructor starts teaching the class. Apparently this is a class of full-blown gestational diabetic women. I am sitting there confused because my doctor said that this class was about eating right and he didn't want the baby to gain a lot of extra weight the last few weeks of pregnancy and blah blah blah. He never told me that I had gestational diabetes. Furthermore, I didn't fail the test when I took it way back when. So I'm sitting there feeling a kid who gets drunk once and is forced to go to AA. And perhaps a one time reading of high blood sugar is cause for alarm, but my stupid doctor didn't convey this to me properly. He didn't tell me that the class I was going to was to learn how to strictly monitor my diet and TEST MY BLOOD SUGAR. What the fuck. So I'm kind of confused and pissed off. And the video they make us watch is really fucking stupid. It had this woman who spoke with a Spanish accent (I took a bit of offense to this because all the literature we were given stated that Hispanic women were more prone to gestational diabetes, which may be true, but the videos shown in class don't have to portray them as idiots) and was talking with her doctor and asking really stupid questions in that really overdone accent. Questions like, "can my husbahn catch eet from me?" and the like. I was already irritated and quickly became disgusted. Anyway, I sat through the whole thing. We had the hospital dieticians come in and talk to us about the strict diets we had to maintain and carbohydrate exchanges, etc. Then, at the end, the instructor gives us all glucose monitors and shows us how to use them. My interest was piqued for the first time, because I love little gadgets and stuff. These little gadgets came in a box with blood test strips, tiny little lancets for drawing blood, and the little contraption that's used with the lancets. They were kind of cool. I'm sure my insurance will be charged up the ass for this thing, but at least I have a new toy.
I tested my blood sugar and it was a whopping 75. Anyway, so I sat through the whole class and was still frustrated and pissed off when I left.

So I called my husband, because not only was I frustrated and pissed off, but I was hungry! I had eaten a tiny lunch earlier and was starving. Robert said he'd meet me somewhere to eat and for me to pick a place. I suggested we go to this awesome little bar called P.J.'s. P.J.'s is a tiny little dive of a bar and every Thursday, P.J. grills steaks. The bar offers a special. Get this: two steaks, two baked potatoes, two salads, and a pitcher of beer for only $23. That's right. And the steaks are grilled to perfection. P.J. knows how to grill it up right!

That's right, folks, I just got out of my gestational diabetes where we were warned about the dangers of carbohydrates and big meals and I want steak. Robert's all about the steak so he meets me there and we pig out. No, I didn't have any beer. Robert got the whole pitcher to himself (I can't wait to have a drink!). I was pretty sad when I called him, so he anxiously just wanted to comfort me. That and I think he (rightly) felt bad for ditching me on Wednesday when this whole little high blood sugar thing started. He had all these questions and all I could tell him was, "well, maybe if you had gone to the doctor you could have asked that."

So after all that was over, we headed home. I tested my blood sugar just to see what it was after a huge steak dinner. It was a whopping 102 two hours after my dinner, which is NORMAL. Then I ate ice cream before bed. I tested it this morning when I got up and it was 88, which is NORMAL.

Today I actually tried to eat low-carb type stuff, but didn't quite succeed. I tested my blood sugar again after lunch and it was normal again. I had a bowl of Quaker Oat Squares the morning I went to the doctor and was tested about an hour to an hour and half later, and I'm convinced that this is why there was sugar in my urine and why my blood sugar tested high. That cereal has 44 g of carbs per serving! More than regular sugary cereals like Frosted Flakes and stuff. Who would have thought? I don't know. Maybe I'm just bitter that I had to go to that class (well, I know I am), but I don't think my blood sugar is a problem. Maybe I'm just in denial. I'll keep testing it here and there, but I'm feeling a lot more calm now that I see it coming back normal everytime I test.

On an unrelated subject...My mother-in-law is coming to visit tomorrow (driving in from San Antonio) She wants to help with cleaning the house and setting up the baby's room. This will be a blessing, but I hope she doesn't make any remarks about my dirty house. I really don't think I can deal with those.

Congrats to Kelly and The Husband!

2005-08-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Kelly had her beautiful baby girl yesterday! Wow! She was a big baby. Anyone who comes across this blog, go congratulate her! Unfortunately, I don't think anyone reads this but Kelly. Adelaide is beautiful, and I'm glad everything turned out okay. Best wishes to the family!!!

Crappy day

2005-08-17T21:54:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor this morning for my weekly appointment. Husband and I were all set to go in separate cars again like we usually do. He said he had to stop for gas, so that I should go on ahead. I agreed since we were already running late. About ten minutes into the drive he calls me to tell me that he's on the road. But then he says, "would you mind if I skipped this appointment? I have a lot of stuff to do at work." I was a little annoyed, but I figured the doctor would just be checking me, telling me I wasn't dilated, and sending me on my way so I told him it was fine.

Well, the doctor did tell me that I was dilated, but he also told me that I had sugar in my urine. What the hell? Sugar in my urine? Then he has the nurse do a finger prick test to check my blood sugar. This reads a 172, which he says is very high. He asks what I had for breakfast. I had Quaker Oat Squares. Not too sweet. Just a little. Not like Frosted Flakes or anything. I didn't even have juice like I usually do. I had a Dr. Pepper last night. Maybe that was it. He didn't seem to think so. I didn't 'fess up to having Popeye's fried chicken and lots of french fries for dinner because he didn't ask. He seemed a little concerned and said he wanted me to go to the diabetic education (?) class that's offered at the hospital once a week. Whatever. I said I'd go. Turns out they only offer it on Thursday afternoons from 2 to 4 pm. Whose brilliant idea was that? So I'm going tomorrow.

I was a little upset on the drive to work because that's the first time anything has actually been "wrong" at one of my visits to the doc during the pregnancy. And then my husband decided to ditch me on this particular day. So I called him as soon as I got out of the doctor's office to give him an update and get some sympathy. I was feeling a little sad about it. He's at work already and won't answer his phone (I figured he was on his work phone because the voice mail kept picking up right away). And he wouldn't answer his cell phone. So FINALLY he answers his phone all flustered about all this work he has to worry about. I tell him about my blood sugar and he doesn't say much. I ask him to look up a little info (since, you know, he's in front of a computer) on this high blood sugar thing and tell me what he finds. He's annoyed because he's just received some assignment and doesn't have time to do anything (apparently) but that, so I get annoyed and tell him that I'll talk to him later.

I continued to get sadder as I drove to work. He finally calls me back when I'm already sitting at my desk at work. And THEN he starts being sympathetic and asking all these questions. At that point I didn't want to start talking about it because I didn't want to start crying at my desk (yes, I was emotional, but I don't care). Anyway, the day didn't get any better. It just really sucked. I did have dinner with an old friend, which was nice. But my day in general was one I could have done without. Now I'm terrified to eat anything with sugar.
I hate days like this.

Highlights of my day:
The doctor said he could feel my baby's head.
I had Thai food for dinner.

Finally

2005-08-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

Yes! I finally did some of the baby's laundry! Not all of it, of course. Just a couple of loads. I kept having this recurring thought that I would be at home in my dirty house with nothing done and my water would break. I would then be compelled to do a few quick loads of laundry so that we would have something clean to bring the baby home in. Thank goodness that won't happen now that I've done some of her laundry. Robert also set up our cheap little desk so we no longer have the ghetto set-up for our computer. Things are looking up. Now all we have to do is assemble the pack 'n' play and figure out how to work the car seat...oh and buy a diaper bag and sheets for the pack 'n' play...

I wonder if Kelly had her baby. She didn't post today...